The Diary of Namikaze Minato
by Izaranna
Summary: "You did What!" "I was 8!" "That's not an excuse Dattebane!" "...Kushina, please put down that meat cleaver." And chaos ensues. Oh Minato. This is why you shouldn't leave your diary lying around in conspicuous places. Your wife just might read it. Minato-centric, in case the title wasn't obvious enough. Rated T because Jiraiya is involved.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

Good Evening. My name is Namikaze Minato and I'm 6 years old. My mommy gave you to me as a 'Congratulations on getting into the Ninja Academy' present. She said that ninjas find it very difficult to talk to people because they have to bottle up their emotions and then they go insane and go on 'killing sprees' so I should write down what I feel in this.

So as far as feelings go, I'd have to say I'm a bit nervous. I'll be older than most kids my age because I entered late because my family wanted me to do what I wanted and wanted me to want to be a fisherman like daddy.

I like fishes, but I like my village more. So in the end, they agreed to let me enter the Academy and now I have to hurry up and get promoted otherwise I'll end up with a team a whole year younger than me and then they'll make fun of me and call me a girly flake just like a really pretty girl on the street called me this afternoon.

I don't know how it's going to turn out but I hope it goes well.

Thank you for being really patient with me Diary. I'm sorry if I was rude somewhere in between. And in case someone reads you, I love my mommy and daddy and fishes and any person or thing I wrote about.

Good night Diary,

Namikaze Minato


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Good Morning. Today we had chakra control exercise revision because Inoichi used too much chakra while throwing his kunai even though sensei _told _him not to use chakra at all.

All the kids in my class are roughly 2 years elder to me. Remember how I told you I'd be in a class where everyone would be younger than me?

Yeah, I got promoted and I'm gonna graduate in 6 months. And I'm only 7!

There are really weird people in my class. There's Nara Shikaku who sleeps most of the time and pulls Yoshino-chans' braid the other times. Then Yoshino-chan kicks him under the table and starts yelling at him in the middle of class and Shikaku calls her annoying and she slaps him.

Inoichi says it's funny but I think that we shouldn't be so violent with each other. Inoichi says I'm a prude but I don't know the meaning of it and I don't think he does either.

Then there's Uchiha Mikoto who's so shy that she blushes every time you speak to her. She is 2 years younger than me but we're in the same class.

There are these really weird twins who sit on two opposite ends of the classroom and never talk to each other. They're Hyuugas' I think. They have the byakugan and the narcissistic attitude to prove it, or so Inoichi says.

There's also this really scary girl in my class who hangs out with Mikoto-san. Uzumaki Kushina. They called her tomato on her first day 3 months ago. She blushed really brightly and I thought it was cute. But then she started beating up all the bullies (which consisted of the whole class except me and some girls, and Shikaku because he was too lazy). She's borderline insane and super strong and I think if she paid more attention in class, she could be at the top! She calls me a girly flake just like I was afraid someone would.

And then there's Akimichi Chouza, who does nothing but eat and fart at the back of the class. The only people who talk to him are Inoichi (who talks to pretty much anyone who wreaks havoc in the class), Shikaku (for some reason, those two are always sparring partners), and Kushina-san(after she beat him up, he welcomed her to Konoha and they became really close friends). And me I suppose.

These guys aren't gonna graduate the same time as me so there's no way I can be on the same team as them. I wish I could be though, I really do. They'll graduate 3 years after me.

They call me a prodigy, diary, and I'm scared that I won't be able to meet their expectations.

Good Day Diary.

Namikaze Minato


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

I graduated! I am now officially a ninja! I am so happy! I think I could have done better though, but Inoichi says I'm a lucky bastard and said to stop rubbing it in his face.

I don't get it Diary. Rub what on his face?

But I'm so happy I'm nearly flying. Mommy and daddy were grumbling a lot though. I don't think they thought I would pass. Oh well, big people are weird like that.

Shikaku said it was all so troublesome and Yoshino-san gonked him on the head so badly, he actually passed out! Then Suzume-chan(she's a really nice girl in my class but she's a little weird. What's wrong with Shibi anyway? She calls him a bug, but he doesn't look anything like one. Aren't bugs icky and slimy?)came and hugged me and started crying and saying how much she'd miss me.

Kushina-san hit me though and called me a lesbian or something. I don't know what it means but it didn't sound very nice.

Mikoto-chan was very happy for me and told me to be safe. She's really pretty. I think I blushed but I'm not too sure because Kushina-san hit me on the head and yelled at me for being a womanizer. I wonder how she learned so many grown up words. I need to learn them too because I feel really small and childish when she speaks and I don't understand. I think I have a concussion Diary.( I don't know what it means but since I'm a ninja, I have to learn how to use grown up words now. All the big people do it!)

Say hi to your family from me Diary! And in case you are an orphan or a widower and/or were rejected by the love of your life, I'm sorry for bringing up bad memories.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna meet my teammates and Sensei!

Good night Diary.

Namikaze Minato


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

I finally know what mommy meant when she said that ninja's bottle up their emotions. It feels like my head is going to explode! You're probably wondering what I'm talking about, aren't you Diary?

Well, remember I told you I would meet my new sensei? And teammates?

Turns out, my teammates are 5 years my seniors! And they call me a baby. To my face. I'm pretty sure that's bullying but I don't like tattle tale tellers, so I'm not gonna be one.

Besides, who would I tattle tale tell to? My Sensei?

He is Jiraiya, one of the Densetsu no Sannin and the Hokage's students. The great Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku, in a never-ending quest to find the chosen child of destiny(and the most beautiful buxom blonde on the planet, whatever that means) and the world's greatest Super Pervert.

That was his introduction. He is…slightly disturbing. He isn't someone you can tell your problems to, that's for sure.

He calls me 'stupid blonde gaki' and I'm pretty sure that's discrimination because he doesn't call Izura-san or Shimu-san anything!(Although he does refer to Izura-san as an 'it' and Shimu-san as 'thing'. I think it is very rude. But I'm glad I haven't been degraded into an object. Yet.)

We went on 12 D-rank missions this past week as 'warm-up exercises'. Apparently, Jiraiya-sensei was supposed to test us again, but he forgot. He doesn't seem very reliable Diary. The D-ranks were excessively boring. Shimu-san asked Jiraiya-sensei what the point of it all was. I thought it was pretty obvious, but even Izura-san didn't know. (I think Mommy wasn't talking about kunoichi when she said that Women know all.) I didn't want to seem like a know-it-all, so I didn't say anything. As it is , Jiraiya-sensei gave the wrong answer. And somehow, I don't think he did it on purpose.

We're going to begin C-rank missions tomorrow. I'm scared Diary. I've heard of the morality rate amongst ninjas, and I can't help but wonder whether we'll all make it back alive. 'Who's next?' is what I keep on hearing I my dreams. Daddy said once that men don't talk about girly things like nightmares. So I won't. You don't think I'm girly for telling you, do you?

Be grateful you don't have a super-perverted novelist for a Sensei-Diary Diary! It is not a good thing.

We've been dragged to onsens so many times that I can't even count them for 'research'. I don't know what that means, but Izura-san didn't like it much.

Shimu-san said she was 'just a dumb girl who didn't know squat!' and eagerly joined Jiraiya-sensei for…actually I don't know for what. But I'm pretty sure it's bad.

Shimu-san reminds me of Inoichi sometimes. I don't like 'research time' to be honest. Jiraiya-sensei says I'm not a man.

Mommy said not to give into peer pressure when I was 4 years old. I think I'll listen to her on this one.

Good Day Diary.

Namikaze Minato


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

Our first C-rank mission was a disaster. We were supposed to protect the Daimyo's fiancée across the border of Ofuku Gai. Jiraiya-sensei ogled our client the whole way through, Shimu-san had a continuous nosebleed for some reason and Izura-san kept on mumbling to herself about perverted sensei's and perverted boys. I don't know why she said that Diary because I'm positive I'm not perverted. And the client was pretty, but she doesn't look half as pretty as Mikoto-chan. She looked very…colourless. She needs to add a bit more…fire I suppose.

But I wouldn't know about these things as I am, in fact, a 'dumb blonde hairless manhoodless, flaky, girl-boy who doesn't know shit about anything!' At least I think that is what that pretty girl on the streets called me as I was coming through the gates after the mission. Now she was pretty. But she reminds me of someone…

Jiraiya-sensei is a creeper, but he is really adept. We were attacked by around a dozen Iwa-nin. It was all a blur, but Shimu-san got punched really badly. He still has a bruise the size of 'Sensei's nose!'

It must have been painful. Izura-san's hair got chopped off and she was crying about it madly all the way back. It looks really pretty to be honest, and I told her so. She grabbed me suddenly as we walked through the gates and started crying all over me and saying that I was the only one who mattered on the team. Shimu-san had been teasing her about her hair, so I think he deserved the punch she gave him. He rolled his eyes and said she punched like a girl.

Izura-san got angry. I don't see why, considering all the girls I know hit harder than the boys. Yoshino-san, Uzumaki-san, Tsume…

Jiraiya-sensei pummeled all the enemies without breaking a sweat! It was amazing. But I think he was showing off. Sandaime-sama says that The flashier techniques are the ones that cause least amount of harm. It's the silent ones you need to worry about. Jiraiya-sensei says it's an idiotic proverb and 'the old man's as loony as a baboon'. I think it's treason to talk like that. Just saying.

But Diary, it was scary. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel, I couldn't** see**. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears and the numbness of everything else. The adrenaline rushing through me kept me fighting long after I should have collapsed. I'm…frightened of what will yhappen if I lose control more than anything else.

I'll write in you later Diary. I've got a B-rank mission soon. They said that our skill level is admirable. I wish I could tell them just how bad our teamwork is.

Good Day Diary.

Namikaze Minato


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Diary,

Remember how I said that I loved my village more than fish? Well, I take it back now. I'll do anything to take it back. They're gone. They're not there anymore diary. I won't ever see them again.

Maybe if I'd been there, I could've stopped it. Maybe if I hadn't become a ninja, nothing would've happened. Maybe if I'd had a chance to protect them, they would still be here.

There was a fire. It was huge and burned so fast. That's how everyone describes it. I wasn't here. And to think, the same time that they were being burnt alive, I was contemplating the merits of cow faecal matter on my C-rank mission.

They probably yelled for help. They probably tried to run away from the fire. They probably screamed as they burnt to a garish brown rotten corpse. My little cousin probably cried. My little cousin sister probably begged me to come home and save her. They looked up to me so much. They wanted to become ninjas too.

Mommy, Daddy. They both won't ever mock argue about the leaky roof or the uselessness of men or women and vice versa. They won't ever wake me up and tell me the day has begun and what on earth am I still doing in bed? They won't ever sing me happy birthday. Mommy won't ever hug me before I go to bed. Daddy won't ever tuck me in again.

Uncle and Aunty won't ever pop in unexpectedly. Aunty will never bake me those special cupcakes with six bright red cherries on top. She was the only one who knew that it was my favourite colour. Uncle won't ever sneak me pieces of chocolate behind Mommy's back. I will never be able to say that it is wrong to do things without Mommy's permission first again. Ever.

My little cousins will never follow me around like ducklings ever again.

I have never cried so much Diary. I don't even remember the last time I cried. I think it was the time a girl called me girly flake on the street 3 years ago but I'm not sure.

Jiraiya-sensei, for the first time since he became my sensei, became like a father to me. He didn't hug me or console me or anything. He looked at me cry with a look of sympathy in his eyes and told me to suck it up. I think his voice cracked when he told me that it happens all the time and hat there isn't any point feeling guilty about it. He said it harshly, but not unkindly.

My teammates, for the first time since becoming my teammates, became like a real family to me. Izura-chan let me cry on her shoulder and cried for me because I wasn't crying. Shimu-kun squeezed my shoulder comfortingly and then proceeded to destroy the training field.

I love my team Diary. I love my family. I love my Team.

I'm waiting for the time that they are gone too.

Namikaze Minato


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Diary,

It was my birthday today. For obvious reasons, I didn't celebrate it. Izura-chan got me a bouquet of poppies (because she figured out what my favourite colour is), Shimu-kun got me a set of three-pronged kunais (I have no idea where he got them, but I think he made them himself) and Jiraiya-sensei gave me a bottle of cream labeled 'LUBE'. I don't understand what it is but I think it's a face cream. Izura-chan was really angry with Jiraiya-sensei for giving it to me though. I think I won't use it, just to be on the safe side.

I told them not to get me anything, but they obviously didn't listen to me. I'm not surprised. Mommy used to tell Daddy not to buy her anything expensive on her birthday, and the one time he bought her a cheap gift, she screamed and yelled at him for an hour and ignored him for the rest of the week.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing about my parents so soon after the Fire Incident, huh?

Well, it's partly to do with the punch Inoichi thrust in my tummy when I started crying in front of him, partly because Shikaku and Chouza and Mikoto-chan looked at me with pity but mostly due to what happened 6 days ago.

Uzumaki-san was loitering outside my new apartment complex (new for obvious reasons) on a really cold winter Sunday. She was wearing a bright orange sweater and a red scarf, which is why I saw her in the first place.

She saw me and turned a bright purple color. She started yelling at me for being a womanizer. It took me 12 minutes to figure out that she was talking about Izura-chan hugging me when we were coming through the gates.

I got angry at her.

For the first time in my life, I got angry at someone. I'm not proud of it. In fact, I'm even more scared of myself now.

I snapped at her and told her to shut up and mind her own business because it wasn't her problem and that she should just leave me alone! She stared at me with wide dark-blue eyes. I never noticed the color before.

Then she looked at me with an unfathomable look and told me this. I learnt it word for word and it will always be in my heart.

'It may not be easy now, but one day, you'll look back on your life and remember all the good times. That's all that really counts.'

I figured I'd start practicing now. Bit by bit, I'll think of all the good times. And I'll cherish each moment.

Diary, I think I'm in love. With Uzumaki-san. The red hot-headed Habanero. The girl with the beautiful red hair. And rich dark blue eyes. And a crazy obsession with Ramen.

But it's not a crazy sort of need. It's just that, if I can see her every once in a while and know that she's alright, then I'm satisfied. Love is weird. But it works.

Now tomorrow, it is Inoichi's little sisters' birthday party and Izura-chans' parents' anniversary. At the exact same time. I wonder if there is a jutsu that can let you be at two places at once…

Good day Diary.

Namikaze Minato

P.S. I still don't know how Uzumaki-san knew my parents were dead…


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Diary,

I asked Jiraiya-sensei whether there was any jutsu that could help me be in two places at once. He started laughing at me and told me that there is no way a 'blonde gaki with such abysmal chakra capacity could ever learn the kage bunshin no jutsu!'

I decided to try out the library instead. (_It_ won't laugh at my face.)

I found lots of interesting books on fuinjutsu. I should try learning it. It sounds really interesting! But I didn't find any jutsu that could help me! Not a single one! The closest I came to was Shunshin no jutsu but that is not good for long distance travel unless you have MASSIVE chakra reserves (something which I have been told on numerous occasions that I don't have.)

I was in the library for 5 whole hours until they kicked me out. I issued 8 books on fuinjutsu basics and '_Making your own seals: The elements of seals_'.

But that is not the problem! The problem is that I haven't told Inoichi _or _Izura-chan that I can't make it! I'm gonna die of embarrassment! (and probably a mind-rape jutsu and a right chakra-infused hook)

I'll tell u how it works out. If I make it out alive that is. Maybe I should just make my own jutsu…

Namikaze Minato


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Diary,

It was a disaster. You're probably wondering how, right Diary? Well, I decided teammates come before Academy friends, so I told Inoichi I couldn't come.

I don't know how he did it, but he told me exactly what he should have to get me to come to his party.

He told me Uzumaki-san would be there.

I don't know how he found out, but Shikaku was smirking slightly, so I have a pretty good idea.

I won't say I'll kill him because that is too violent(and rude. Not to mention illegal) but I will think of ways to get back at him.

On my way to tell Izura-chan that I couldn't come, some ANBU arrested me. Or tried to anyway. I ran away as fast as I could. Afterwards, Jiraiya-sensei discretely told me that there was a rumour going around the ANBU HQ about a yellow flashing technique some blonde kid invented.

I think Jiraiya-sensei found it funny, and judging from their stifled giggles/outright laughter, Izura-chan and Shimu-kun thought so too.

Traitors.

I found it _mortifying_! I blushed so badly, I probably nearly put Uzumaki-san's hair to shame! (nearly because there is nothing on this continent that is more bright or more beautiful than Kushina-sans' hair. Or her smile.)

Sorry I got off topic Diary. Where was I? Oh yeah!

I ran away from the ANBU and then got splattered with paint. Apparently, the ANBU were trying to stop me from walking into the paint bomb attack. See what I mean by mortifying?

As it turns out, it was Uzumaki-san who had set the trap. She didn't apologize for drenching me in yellow and red paint, but then, I didn't expect her to.

Eventually I found the funny side to it and complimented her trap setting skills.

For some odd reason, she shook my hand awkwardly and abruptly turned and walked off. It was rather rude, now that I think about it clearly, but at the time, my heart was pounding so badly, and I was sweating so much that I doubt I would notice if an Iwa-nin plunged a kunai in my heart!

I am so desperately in love.

Izura-chan saw my condition as I headed back home to clean. (I had run passed her house as I was being chased by the ANBU) She told me that it would be okay to not come and give her a present later on instead.

I am so glad I have a caring teammate. As opposed to Shimu-kun, who had laughed at me all day long and for the next week. (He had already come to Izura-chan's house)

I cleaned up and went to Inoichi's house. They played something called 'spin the bottle'. I declined joining in because I didn't feel all that good in the head.

When I told them this, Tsume-san (a girl who was my kohai in the Academy and senpai age-wise) nodded sagely (it reminded me of Jiraiya-sensei. I think I'm going to have nightmares now) and tapped her nose with her thumb and winked at me.

I don't know what it means, but it makes me feel very dirty.

I went home soon after that, and now, there's a rumor going around that I invented a teleportation jutsu.

I wish I had.

So that I could get _away _from Inoichi and his posse of demented perverts.

Bye bye Diary.

Namikaze Minato


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Diary,

We're heading out on a mission today. It's a routine border patrol, B-rank in it's dangerousness and overall, something we do all the time. You're probably wondering why I'm mentioning this, huh Diary?

Well, the bad thing about this mission is that we have to split up whilst on the border patrol to cover more ground. It will only be for a couple of minutes, and I'm not one to complain, but this time, I have a really bad feeling about this.

Jiraiya-sensei looked at me like I'd grown a second head when I told him. Izura-chan sympathetically told me everything would be okay. (they had the ringing quality of the rumored 'famous last words' to be quite honest. It gave me the creeps.) I think that she thinks I'm scared.

She's not very off the mark in her assumption, but I'm scared for a different reason.

It's not that we've never gone on separate missions. In fact, we do it more frequently than most other teams. We've been on the same team for quite some time now and it would be stupid to think that we'd always be together.

But I have a _really _bad feeling about this .I tried to tell them it had nothing to with me or my age, but Shimu-kun just snorted and shrugged.

I would feel a whole lot better if Jiraiya-sensei was going with one of them , but even before my apprehensions were voiced out loud, Jiraiya-sensei had said that me and him would b going one way, and Izura-can and Shimu-kun would be going the other way.

I'm really worried Diary. I can't help but feel that something is going to go wrong.

But of course, they completely disregarded my feelings. They say I'm a 'pansy and paranoid to boot!'

On the plus side, I saw Uzumaki-san today. Granted, she was at the hospital and was bleeding heavily all over, but she was screaming profanities at the nurse who was trying to help her and she _looked_ healthy, so my mind is now at ease.

Inari-sama, I sound stupid. And love struck.

I saw this really cool fireworks display last week (I kind of forgot to mention what with the teleportation crisis and all) and Tsume-san said I smelt like a puppy who had wet itself from sheer excitement.

So every time I think about Uzumaki-san and myself, all I can picture is her shining as brightly as the midday sun in Suna (which is pretty bright mind you. Shimu-kun got a heat stroke the last time we had a mission there.) and me whimpering like a wet dog at her feet.

I need to man up. And fast. Before my 13th birthday at least. I hate people thinking I'm weaker because of my 'tender' age.

See you soon Diary.

I hope.

Namikaze Minato


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Diary,

I can not believe I was such a bonehead! I'm the most arrogant self-righteous prick of a ninja that ever disgraced the earth!

How could I let my teammates down? HOW?!

Shimu-kun and Izura-chan…

We went our separate ways and look what's happened! Shimu-kun got ravaged to death by those fucking Iwa-nins who should just DIE!

Its not enough they took away my family. No, they had to take away my team too.

Izura-chan is in the hospital. She was bleeding so badly that it's a wonder she hasn't already expired.

And the worst part is that Jiraiya-sensei is quiet.

Yes, that is the worst part, because the only other time Jiraiya-sensei was this quiet and grim was when I found out about 'the fire incident'.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE ANYMORE OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE PRECIOUS TO ME!

I'm tired of not being there on time! I'm tired of wondering whether I could have made a difference!

I'm just so tired! And I'm only 9 years old.

That is not normal by any standards.

There is no such thing as normal in the ninja world.

Not now, not ever.

I love them so much that it hurts. They're dead, and there is no one I can blame.

Not even myself.

Because there truly was nothing I could have done.

Hatake Sakumo and Umino Takata were a great help. They were the back up and if it weren't for them, Izura-chan would most definitely have been dead. Because I was too late. Too late to make a difference.

NEVER AGAIN!

I will _never _make that mistake again. I am going to invent a jutsu that can make me teleport at a moments notice. I am going to make sure I never lose anyone I love ever again.

Ever.

That is a promise.

And I _will __**never**__ go back on my word._

Namikaze Minato


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Diary,

It has been quite a while since I wrote, hasn't it?

To be honest, the last 6 months have not been good for me. It's not like I have been reduced to being called scumbag on the streets or anything remotely as painful as that.

The truth is, remembering my…family is really a bit too painful.

Izura-chan survived but she suffered from severe amnesia and they had had to cauterize her leg to prevent infection. Talking about it is easier now, but at the time, it was unbearable.

She is no longer a ninja and is housed in the 'Intensive care unit escapees Room of Doom' as Shikaku told Inoichi when he asked what a hospice meant.

I hope she's happy there.

They saved her life but two weeks after the mission, they found a rapidly growing tumour in her liver. It would have stayed dormant if it hadn't been tampered with, but they had had to so that they could get rid of the poison in her system.

I've been to see her twice.

I couldn't handle going there again.

She doesn't remember me.

It shames me to admit that I'm okay with that. I've resigned myself to the fact that Team Jiraiya doesn't exist anymore.

The reason I started writing in you to begin with is because I was clearing up my apartment and looking for things to take with me on my 4-year-long training trip with Jiraiya-sensei.

I wouldn't be taking you at all, because when I rifled through the pages, it brought millions of horrible, nostalgic memories back to me.

But I realized I can't throw you away.

You are a monument of all the feelings I have had over the past 4 years. You are the embodiment of the feelings I felt that I never told anybody else.

Besides, you were a present from my mom. Pent up emotions, huh?

I don't even remember that now. I guess you are the best therapist I have, huh?

I'm leaving tomorrow.

I'm not telling anyone though. I'm turning over a new leaf, so to speak.

On a side note, I am currently the fastest ninja in Konoha.

It's still not enough. I need more.

When Sandaime-sama heard of my interest in seals, he requested a seal mistress to help me with the basics and later on, advanced rules and symbols.

It is so interesting I sometimes get lost in them.

Uzumaki Kizuhara-sensei says I'm a natural at seals. It made me feel really happy and light!

She's a really nice lady. She's Uzumaki-san's mom too.

I've been going on a lot of missions with Hyuuga Hiashi recently. Apparently, we make a good team.

I don't believe it, but the world thinks otherwise. As usual.

Jiraiya-sensei went on a binge drinking spree recently.

I would say he was drowning his sorrows, but I just think its one of his bad habits.

I'll take you with me on my training trip.

Namikaze Minato


	13. Chapter 13

**(A/N: Okay, I know I normally don't write these things because I find them distracting, but if you like this story, I'd appreciate it if you read 'Our Lives'. Yes, this is shameless self-promotion, but if you left a review saying how I could improve, I'd really appreciate it! Thank you!)**

Dear Diary,

Turns out, you can't leave Konoha without half of the village finding out about it 6 hours after you do. There are some serious problems with the security in the Hokage's office.

Inoichi, Shikaku and Chouza decided to take me out to drink for the first time. I told them I was underage, as that had been my excuse the last time they asked me to. But apparently, once you make Genin, you are automatically of drinking age. Inoichi said 'If you're old enough to kill, you're old enough to get smashed'.

Shikaku nodded sagely and Chouza smiled rather menacingly. If worse came to worst and I was forced to go, I would go to Yakiniku BBQ because that was, I believed at the time, the safest place to go because it would distract Chouza (if you're wondering how I knew it was his favourite haunt, you underestimate my information network. And Inoichi's big mouth.) and the drinks would probably be diluted.

I was right.

The problem was though, that they made me drink it and I started feeling tipsy and Uzumaki-san entered the restaurant.

They are the worst friends ever.

I probably would have done something idiotic and mildly (extremely) traumatizing had Shikaku not taken pity on me. (Apparently, my puppy-dog eyes coupled with my short stature and cerulean orbs were too much for him to take. I don't get it, but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.)

He took me out of the place and gave me a stone. It was beautiful. It was probably amber, and it kind of glowed yellow.

He said that it was a charm with special healing properties or something but Naras normally wore it for good luck. I was about to cry. It was a very sweet gesture. I said I couldn't take it but he said I was being troublesome and to take it before he injected alcohol into my blood stream. Or get Inoichi.

I decided thanking him and making a run for it was a great idea.

I'm glad I'm smart sometimes. I don't like to be all the time, but sometimes, it's just worth all the trouble that comes with it.

I was late to the meeting point by a whole 2 hours. Apparently, I am quite popular. There was a gaggle of Academy students chasing me all the way from the Hokage Monument to the west gates. It was not a good work out. I was dying. They had inhuman stamina and were faster than me.

I need to train harder if even Academy students can beat me when I run my hardest.

When Jiraiya-sensei saw me, he started laughing his head off. I told him it wasn't funny.

He said I was the sorriest sight he had ever seen. I pouted. He said I looked like he had just fucked my first crush. I don't know what that is or what he was implying, but I had the sudden strong urge to kill him. I think I even started seeing red for a moment.

The next thing I knew, Jiraiya-sensei was on the floor and begging for mercy and I was apologizing really profusely.

I didn't mean to hurt him!

We're already en route and our next stop is Hanfura. It's a small town closest to Konoha and is around 6 miles away from the northern tip (which is a good 92 miles away from the central hub of Konoha.)

Wish me luck. Apparently, I'm going to be abandoned in a motley motel/tavern which I think is the haunt of all the homosexuals in the fire country. I think I'm gonna lose something really precious to me.

At least that's what Jiraiya-sensei says. He said something about me being too pretty for my own good.

I figured he meant money or personal belongings. But after that pretty comment, I don't know. But I have a dreadful sense of foreboding right now.

Namikaze Minato


	14. Chapter 14

_En route to _**Hanfura**

_Day 2_

2:06 AM

I woke up to somebody touching me in a very weird place. and squeezing it. I looked and saw 4 men, all wearing a lot of pink make-up, staring at me with this really weird look in their eyes. I screamed. They ran away. I think it's not safe here. I hate being right.

3:45 AM

They came back again, but this time they'd brought friends. And a packet of balloon-like things that had 'SEXY CONDOMS' written on it. I had heard both terms and I'm not taking any chances. 'Don't attack civilians' be damned! They come near me and I'm thrusting my kunai where it hurts the most. The thing that they're flashing at me quite often as of late.

4:30 AM

There were very disturbing sounds coming from the next room. I heard lots of moaning and grunting. And licking sounds. Then somebody crashed into the door I'd barricaded and tried to stroke my neck. I used my kunai. This is war.

5:54 AM

I can't sleep. I'm on high alert and I can _hear_ everything going in the hotel. And I can't leave. Not because someone might steal something, but because there are two women leaning on the door doing _something _that the other evidently likes. I'm going to be sick.

6:25 AM

I have puked my heart out and have not slept a wink. My respect for Jiraiya-sensei has died a horrible, painful death. It will not be missed. I heard a woman crying for someone to 'go faster_, harder!_' Minutes later, I heard Jiraiya-sensei say 'Like this?' and grunt. Oh kami-sama, I'm going to be sick again.

7:11 AM

The women at the door have mercifully stopped licking each other. I'm attempting escape.

7:15 AM

There were 3 women at the front door. I came back to puke.

8:00 AM

I tried escaping again, but I was very nearly raped by this fat and smelly man who was covered in some white substance. He tried to touch me. I ran, not only because I'm innocent, but because it's unhygienic. Just thinking about all the places that finger must have been makes my stomach churn, but it's too mild to make me puke. I'm going to kill Jiraiya-sensei.

9:14 AM

I love Jiraiya-sensei. It turns out, it's not just civilians that are…unruly, but ninjas as well. Jounin level ninjas that tried to sexually assault me. Thank Kami-sama Jiraiya-sensei got here in time. We're leaving. Jiraiya-sensei hasn't stopped smiling since we left.

**We are ****never**** going to a motel **_**ever**_** again.**_**EVER.**_


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Diary,

We've been on the road for a whole six days now. All we have done is camping and talking about our team. I appreciate it, really I do. I'm glad we got to do this. Jiraiya-sensei is so much more than just a super pervert.

He's empathetic and…lonely. I noticed that after he started talking about his own team. Sure, they're still there, but it's like they're drifting apart. He's a peace-lover too, and he's an idealist. I never thought he could be one. He always seemed so brazen and world-weary. He acts like an innocent child sometimes. I guess, in a way, I'm the last of his teammates. I think…we've bonded.

We reached Hanfura on the 7th day since 'the motel incident' and we stayed at another tacky hotel. Please Kami-sama, save my soul. We wandered around the town for a couple of hours, looking for something. Jiraiya-sensei didn't specify.

The town was really bright and poor. I know it sounds weird, but it was. The windows and doors of all the houses and shops were covered in brightly colored cloths with complimentary-colored tassels attached on the edges. But all of the people barely wore a shawl. And it wasn't fashion either. They truly did not have the funds to buy clothing. But somehow, unlike other poor towns, you couldn't see famine and disease.

After asking Jiraiya-sensei, who shrugged and said 'figure it out yourself useless gaki.', I decided to observe better. Obviously, I was missing something. It took me quite a while to figure it out because it was such a normal gesture but after it happening a few times I realized what made Hanfura so special.

In any other village, you'd never see shopkeepers giving tidbits to orphans. The government would do that. But here, if a child, woman or even a man asked the shopkeepers for food, they would give it without asking for money.

When I told Jiraiya-sensei this, he looked really pleased for some reason and told me that instead of money, the currency in Hanfura were pulses, vegetables and fruits grown on the government owned land. The laborers worked, the shopkeepers were given the supplies by the government and the shops provided the general populace with food. The only downside to this system was that the people of Hanfura couldn't leave the village.

This was easy to figure out. There was no educational facilities or any type of apprenticeship or work. All of the trade occurred within the government. Since there was no money involved, the government couldn't cheat but the next generation was as dumb as the first.

The people were kind, but stupid. I don't mean it in a bad way but they truly did not understand anything. They wouldn't know if we gave them half of the money they were supposed to get and that was just sad. (tourists were the moneylenders apparently)

As we retired for the day, I asked Jiraiya-sensei what he was looking for since we hadn't found anything in particular.

He said he'd found it. He looked very proud and mysterious as he said that. Then he took out a scroll and scratched a few things out in it. It had NMTFH on it in bright blue letters. I don't think I'm gonna ask what it is.

We're leaving tomorrow. The stay was pleasant but the bright colors reminded me of Uzumaki-san. She would have loved it here. Maybe when I become Hokage, I can send her on a mission here to provide the people with education. Hey, not a bad idea!

But I can't send Uzumaki-san to do it. She would kill me if I send her on a 'boring mission like that dattebane!'

Oh Kami-sama I miss her!

Namikaze Minato


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Diary,

Jiraiya-sensei said it was about time we started training. I simply nodded and continued eating the partially raw meat we'd been having for lunch every day because neither of us can cook. I think I should start learning, just to be on the safe side. I don't think Uzumaki-san can cook either.

Not that I'm saying we're going to live together and I'll cook her food or anything! It's just an observation!

While I was distracted, Jiraiya-sensei punched me. It hurt quite a lot because he doesn't hold back. Not even during a friendly spar. It took me a few minutes to gather my wits and then he said very imperiously 'A ninja must always be prepared Gaki!'

He gave me a few minutes to get my bearings and then he sent me a volley of kicks and punches. I tried to dodge, but it was impossible! He was just too fast.

We continued doing this for the next few hours and my head was throbbing horribly. And my arms. And my legs. And my back. I think he cracked a few ribs and dislocated my shoulder.

Jiraiya-sensei finally took pity on me and said that the sparring match was over. I breathed a sigh of relief and was abot to collapse in a heap before he said annoyingly cheerfully 'It's time to move out you poor excuse of a Genin!'

I stared at him incredulously. Did he think everyone had the same amount of stamina as him? I felt bruised and battered and I'm positive it's going to hurt even worse tomorrow.

We trudged on foot through a swamp. Yes, a swamp. I'll bet this is torture for thinking that I'm going to kill him. Maybe he found my Diary and read it. Maybe this is revenge. Whatever it was, I gritted my teeth and bore it. I'll just think of this as survival training.

I collapsed mid-way.

Jiraiya-sensei had to carry me on his back through the slush and I'm ever so grateful. I was fully expecting him to leave me there till I drowned. I was covered in muck though, so I'm guessing he must have contemplated the idea at least.

After cleaning up, no easy feat I might add, we retired for the night. Jiraiya-sensei said I was a major wimp and that I wouldn't last a day on the battlefield. I agree with him to be honest.

I would have died had trudging through a swamp after defeating a team of Iwa-nin been a part of a mission parameter. It might seem ridiculous, but I'm betting that it happens a lot.

I need to work harder. One day, I'll protect everyone I care about. And I won't let anyone I love die anymore.

I will become Hokage, and protect every single one of my people. That's my nindo.

Namikaze Minato


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Diary,

I think Jiraiya-sensei is out to get me. He, at the most random times, starts maiming me for the fun of it and tells me it's 'training' but it feels more like him just venting his frustrations in the form of abusing an innocent child of 11 years. I haven't even created my own jutsu yet! But at this rate, he's going to kill me and the only thing left of me will be a battered body with uncouth blonde hair and no discernible talents.

And no liver, most probably. Jiraiya-sensei drinks so much, he'll probably require a liver transplant soon. Maybe that's what he's aiming for! No one will know how I died. It could have been an idiotic training accident. And the word of a Sannin would be good enough for the T&I division. There probably won't even be an effing autopsy!

We reached another town a few days ago and the first thing we did, even before checking in at a hotel, was look for a scroll shop. Contrary to your belief, it was my idea. I need more scrolls to practice fuinjutsu on.

If there is one thing Jiraiya-sensei does right, it is teaching the art of the seals. Or maybe it's because I'm more eager to learn fuinjutsu than Taijutsu, the art which Jiraiya-sensei thinks I'm lacking in. (not that I disagree, I'm horrible in the stamina department.)

The creepiest thing about this town is that each tourist requires an escort for 'safety purposes'. Jiraiya-sensei's escort is this rather talkative man who keeps on talking about 'YOUTH AND SPRINGTIME!'. He looks really—er-strange too. He has these really bushy eyebrows for one, but the poor man's name is Gran-san. I think maybe that's the reason he is so loud.

My escort is this really creepy girl who calls herself 'Shinya' and keeps on giggling creepily whenever I turned away from her. It was very disconcerting.

We bought the scrolls and we even bought some fuinjutsu books to read on the journey. AS we headed back, Jiraiya-sensei told me to go on ahead and that he would catch up. He had blatant amusement written all over his face. I hate his guts.

I tried to make small talk with her and she gave me one word answers or muted gestures and then stared at me unblinkingly while I stuttered on to another topic. When I finally reached the hotel, she suddenly lunged at me. As I was expecting an attack of some kind, I dodged and immediately karate-chopped her on the head.

Instead of standing back up and resuming her attack, she simply ran away with tears in her eyes.

I was confused so when Jiraiya-sensei came back, I asked what it all meant. He face-palmed and looked at me with exasperation and told me that…Shinya was about to kiss me.

I think I died when he said that. I could nearly see the light.

I'm sorry Uzumaki-san! I promise I will never look at another woman again!

Namikaze Minato


	18. Chapter 18

**(A/N: I am so sorry I haven't published in a 6 days! My internet died. Enjoy!)**

Dear Diary,

We're on the road again. Jiraiya-sensei has become prone to suddenly stopping in the middle of a clearing and take out a scroll and ink pad and place it in front of him and sit there for hours on end simply staring into space.

It worries me slightly. Maybe he's going senile. He does look rather old.

During these infrequent intervals, he sporadically attacks me, then, when we're –at least when I am – in the thick of battle, he stops and goes back to his scroll and jots down a few kanji characters. And it's not even just to let my guard down, he genuinely forgets that I am right there. I feel very insignificant.

He's been doing that for at least a month now. Wow, just thinking about it makes me feel weird. We've been out on the road for 4 months and a few weeks and it already feels like I've been on the road forever!

On another note, my seal work has improved drastically. Jiraiya-sensei says that I'm a true genius in this respect. Of course, it goes without saying that he insulted me after that and has never complimented me after that, but he _did_ compliment my skills, so that's really heartening.

We've been to a few towns so far, and all of them make me appreciate just how great my home truly is.

We got into a few mob fights and Jiraiya-sensei tried to drag me out of the scuffles and I fought tooth and nail against him. I know, it's surprising now that I read through it, me being that impulsive. But I just cannot ignore when someone insults my home! My parents, my teammates…They all died believing in the leaf and the will of fire. I will not allow anyone to insult their memory. Ever.

The most recent town we visited was a fishing town. I met this guy named Kaiza and we became really good friends. He's really diligent and for a civilian, he's pretty strong too. We shared our views on philosophy and he asked me a very strange question. 'If you ever grew up and had to save someone's soul, how would you do it?'

I didn't get it diary. I asked him why he would ask me such a question and he looked really old suddenly and didn't talk to me for a while. I decided not to push it and resolved that I'd ask him later. I also met this really pretty girl (but not prettier than Uzumaki-san) who asked me another very strange question. 'What do you fight for?' This got me thinking. What do I fight for? My village, my teammates, my sensei and my parents memory. But when she asked me that, suddenly, all these reasons seemed pretty paltry. I couldn't answer her. She seemed disappointed but resigned somehow.

Her name is Wanari and she's a traveler from Amegakure no Sato. She'll be leaving next week. I can't stop thinking about those questions though. What are the answers?

When Jiraiya-sensei commenced our fuinjutsu training, I couldn't even concentrate on the seals properly. When he saw how distracted I was, he said it was time for an early night. I didn't question and went to bed.

Now that I think about it, I hadn't even changed. I thought about it the whole night. I'm ready to give them an answer today.

Namikaze Minato


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Diary,

It's been a week since I left Hiwa (the fishing town) and I feel satisfied.

Remember the questions? Well, I couldn't find an answer for them and it was bugging me. The first one because it didn't make any sense and I thought it was a code I needed to decipher. The second one, because it genuinely disturbed me that I didn't have anything to fight for.

I tossed and turned all night and messed up my already messed up hair and I think I have crinkles on my forehead for all the frowning I did. Apparently, I frown when I concentrate.

I was scratching my head while thinking nearabouts daybreak when Jiraiya-sensei woke up grumbling and went to the bathroom. Why am I mentioning this? Because when he came out, he poured a bucket full of freezing water and told me to get lye soap if my prudish senses couldn't stand the nits.

Now I'm worried I really do have nits because I've been scratching my head nonstop after we left Hiwa, and it's not because I'm thinking.

Back to the flashback. It was around daybreak and I'd seen the sun rising. The whole ocean lit up and the sky was painted red and gold and blue and orange. (it reminded me of Uzumaki-san and me. Now I'm slapping myself for thinking about such inappropriate things like marriage and kissing)

Then the birds started chirping and I felt…alive. Like **this** was what was important. Like nothing else mattered. Like we were a small part of a huge thing. Like it didn't matter what we did, because it wouldn't affect the greater scheme of things. Like new hope. A hope that we'll all be forgiven. A hope that I can do what I can to be the best I can be and try to do things the way I see as right. To live like a man. Like a shinobi. That's what I'd tell a broken man. That there was so much more to life than just that pain. There was always rain to wash it away, and the sun would always rise again.

I had the answer for Kaiza. And I was in such a hurry to get to him and tell him that I probably tripped a million times and even stepped on a chicken in my hurry. Sorry Chicken-san!

I reached the crags where we normally met and saw that he was already there. I ran up to him, completely out of breath and I told him what I'd tell a man to save his soul. To live like a man. Because it'd be stupid living any other way. Because there was barely anyting we had to protect so we might as well do it.

He stared at me and I stared right back. And suddenly his eyes cleared, and until that that moment, I hadn't even know they'd been clouded over. He smiled down at me (why, oh kami-sama why! am I so short!?) and told me to sit down. And he told me a story of a boy who'd been abandoned when he was a kid, who had no family to speak of, who had no friends but a little blonde midget, and who had no hope left in the world. I cried. He decided he'd turn the other way and pretend I was laughing.

This is what I want to protect. The innocence of the sufferers, the hope of the new age. I fight because I love and I'd die if I didn't protect them.

I was wandering around the village in the afternoon when Kaiza was fishing and saw Wanari leaving through the main gates( a piece of wood propped on very cleverly placed sticks). I yelled for her attention and caught up to her because she hadn't heard me. She looked really surprised and when I told her what I fought for, she looked at me with a new light in her eyes. I felt content. She said I reminded her of sunshine and spring. 'If I ever have children, I'll name them Haku, because hope springs eternal.' She smiled and left, telling me that we'd meet again someday.

I smiled and waved.

I'd saved two peoples' souls.

Jiraiya-sensei just tripped. Over his own two feet.

Now if I could only I could do something about him…

Namikaze Minato


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Diary,

I know I haven't written anything in what seems like forever, but I have been so BUSY! Jiraiya-sensei officially said around half a year ago that there was nothing more he could teach me in regards to seals, partially because I drink everything up but mostly because his own knowledge as extremely, woefully incomplete.

So, around 3 months ago, I decided to learn seals on my own. Kizuhara-sensei's teachings were more helpful than most of what Jiraiya-sensei taught me. It's not because Jiraiya-sensei lacks as a teacher(my improvement in the stamina department can attest to that. I can now last roughly 15 minutes in a fight against Jiraiya-sensei. He says he doesn't think I can get any better just yet, so we're focusing on Genjutsu now) but because Kizuhara-sensei taught me the basics and theory behind each symbol.

Jiraiya-sensei wasn't as fortunate. He had to learn all on his own. Sometimes, when he taught me, I felt like I was the teacher and he was the student. As soon as that thought settled in, Jiraiya-sensei would trounce me in Taijutsu, Genjutsu _and_ Ninjutsu usage, proving without a doubt that he is the master and I am the lowly slave. I mean student. I definitely meant student.

I picked up lots of books along the way and lots of tips and tutors too. The shinobi world may be ignorant, but not through lack of trying. They tried their level best to understand, and there are some whose ignorant knowledge is even more vast than Jiraiya-sensei, that I can't help but feel awed by humankind's potential. They taught me a lot. Of course, they guarded their knowledge very carefully, so I was forced to be sneaky about it. Sometimes, I had to create an alias for myself simply to get out of a jam. After a while, I had to create a whole new persona all together.

But other times I was not so fortunate. The few times I was caught were horrible. And Jiraiya-sensei didn't feel the basic camaraderie urge to help his poor slave. I mean student. Definitely student.

But on one of these 'mission infiltration: FAIL' occasions, I realized just how much it would help if I could zap out of the situation. And one of these 'Masters of Fuinjutsu' had this really entertaining theory that human beings are made of tiny particles and chakra is stored in each such 'cell' as he called it. His name was Roberuto Hooko, but sadly, he died of chakra poisoning due to his experimentations. But his theory did get me thinking.

What if -

**This paragraph has been modified for the sole purpose of protecting a secret technique that a gaki shouldn't just leave lying around. –J**

So I decided to experiment. Mind you, it was difficult, especially since I was hiding it from Jiraiya-sensei and trying my level best to make this a surprise, so it got very difficult trying to come up with good enough excuses about where I got the odd burnt skin patch or the numerous cuts, or the gnawing of teeth on my midriff (I don't know how he found out, and this was the only time I ever told him the truth.)

By the second month, I had successfully been able to teleport. Problem was, I didn't know where I would end up. My range was roughly 8 yards in any direction, but I digress. I told Jiraiya-sensei the truth about the bite marks, but he didn't believe me. What, I ask you, WHAT? is so unbelievable about an army of squirrels molesting me? IT'S THE TRUTH!

Now I understand how Uzumaki-san must have felt when no one believed her when she said it wasn't her who burnt Suzume-chan's hair. But I still think it was her. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but it was kind of obvious because she _does_ sit beside her, and she was the one whom she had had a quarrel with just last period, and Uzumaki-san was the only one who had access to Katon Jutsu (courtesy of Mikoto-chan) and she _was_ the only one liable to use Fire to take her anger out on people. Poor Suzume-chan. She'd cried for days after that incident…

Anyway, I am writing now to tell you about the look on Jiraiya-sensei's face when I showed him my awesomeness (Uzumaki-san truly has affected me. In more ways than just the discomfort of a-rather hard _thing_ in between my legs)

He looked like somebody had stabbed Gamabunta and trodden over the remains. He also looked like someone other than Dan had fucked Tsunade-hime right before she kissed him.

In short he was utterly dumbstruck! He then looked at me with so much—Pride in his eyes that it brought tears to my own. He looked at me…like I was his equal.

Jiraiya-sensei just made it to my precious people list. People I would die protecting. Instead of them dying to protect me.

Namikaze Minato

**(A/N: **_Just to clarify things, Minato is now 13 years old. He has hit puberty, and will from now on, start looking at Kushina in a less innocent and more sexual context. He will also grow taller! ^.^ He was 10 when Jiraiya took him on the training trip, and he'll be 14 years old when they finally go back to Konoha. This is also the time he saves Kushina from Kumogakure. Because someone didn't understand how old Minato was. Everything before the training trip depends on what age you want him to be. Yes, it is in chronological order, but I can't be bothered to go back and write his age for each chapter_**.) **


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Diary,

I have just had my behind tanned by Jiraiya-sensei. In other words, he hit me repeatedly, while I refused to struggle. I think Jiraiya-sensei was more mentally scarred than I was. Why? Because I asked him to hit me. Why?

Because I have been a horrible person and looked at another girl the same way I wish I was looking at Uzumaki-san. Why? Because Jiraiya-sensei decided it was 'time'.

I did not celebrate my birthday again this year. I wouldn't have celebrated it regardless, but Jiraiya-sensei gave me no choice in the matter. He said that I had already hit puberty and it was time he started 'manning me up!'. Chills ran down my spine as he uttered those fateful words.

This town is called Shinjudo and it is famous for its onsens. He took me tone of them, rather discretely now that I think about it (or as discrete as Jiraiya-sensei can get) and everything proceeded as expected. Until a gaggle of geishas…I mean girls – entered in all their naked glory, giggling madly about something.

Apparently, Jiraiya-sensei said that he had hired them and they were supposed to help me on my quest to 'utter manhood'.

I am scared of him. He is scary. He doesn't need his reputation as a Sannin to help him. He should have a flee on sight order placed on him in the bingo books. Simply because of that Lecherous Smile and that Perverted Leer and that Incessant Cock-Sucking.

I am scarred forever. He has ruined me forever. Uzumaki-san…I can never look you in the eye again. I ran away from there without a second glance back. As if I needed a bloody _second _glance.

Jiraiya-sensei came back to the hotel room with a disturbing aura around him. And I don't need to be an Inuzuka to know that the smell of cum was emanating from him. I nearly hurled but the memory of The Homosexual Haunt helped me keep the bile at bay.

He looked at me with reproach (as if he had anything to reproach me about) and I stared at him with equal ferocity. Finally, he broke the staring contest and sighed. He threw up his hands in the air and declared surrender. He gave me a box full of those three-pronged kunai Shimu-kun had made for me. I don't know how he did it, but he figured out that I was going to use them for my teleportation jutsu.

I don't know whether to hate the man or love him…

Namikaze Minato


	22. Chapter 22

Dear Diary,

Jiraiya-sensei is confusing. He woke up this morning and started running around the camp holding that mysterious blue scroll with those ominous initials on them and ranting like a chicken with its head cut off.

It was amusing for a while but then I decided enough was enough and asked him what was wrong. He looked at me with hopelessness and genuine grief. Tears started prickling my eyes looking at his story state.

He suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and flipped me horizontal, tucked under his arms and hauled me like a surf board to a random clearing near the ruins of Uzushiogakure. He then bit his thumb and smeared the blood on the ground and summoned a Toad. It was of epic proportions an immediately, like my mind is wont to do, it started formulating numerous strategies I could use in collaboration with this particular amphibian.

I shook my head slightly to get rid of the thoughts and reminded myself firmly that they were Jiraiya-senseis' Summons and not mine and I would do well to remember that. I smiled politely at Jiraiya-sensei and asked him what on earth he was trying to prove by summoning a 50 feet tall green and orange toad, and the hope left in his eyes vanished. The summon vanished and he collapsed i=on the ground, crying and weeping like a green-horned Genin after their first kill.

I patted him on the head and comforted him the best I could without knowing what the heck his problem was. After a while, he suddenly stood up and dragged me to a spot ten paces away from where we had been and he commanded me to sign a scroll he had poofed out of nowhere.

I'll remind you again that I am paralyzing-ly scared of him and so I did what he asked, mainly because he looked like he'd have no qualms burying my decaying body in this charming but indistinguishable clearing.

He told me that I had better damn well learn how to summon toads or he'd kill me, prodigy and Fuinjutsu sealing be damned. I knew there was a reason he kept me around.

I practiced till I had no chakra left in my body and I nearly passed out, and I could only summon tadpoles.

He dragged me back to the camp and looked at me with such disappointment in his eyes, that I am ashamed. I thought writing it down would help me feel better, but it doesn't seem to work.

Namikaze Minato


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Diary,

We practiced summoning again, and I have evolved to the level of summoning tadpoles with two back legs. I am miserable and Jiraiya-sensei won't talk to me. I have decided it is time to take action. I sneakily searched through his things to find that mysterious blue scroll that seemed to bring Jiraiya-sensei to tears every time he looks at it.

I found a packet of condoms, a cream bottle labeled 'LUBE' (he must like this brand of moisturizer…), a mysterious pair of black, lacy underwear, a matching bra, a pink, lacy thong, a set of clothes, another packet of condoms, a set of sealing scrolls, a cheque book, a wallet, a rolled up pair of boxers, some unidentifiable poisons, another packet of condoms, another moisturizer…

And the blue scroll of death. It had the same golden initials on them – **NMTFH.**

I unfurled the scroll and peeked inside. Instantly, kunai erupted from the scroll, followed by a volley of shuriken. Thank goodness Jiraiya-sensei is buying supplies in the nearest town. After the assault, I proceeded to the scroll with a healthy amount of caution.

But there were no more sudden attacks. I looked into the scroll properly this time, and what I found startled me.

**N**_amikaze_ **M**_inato_: **T**_raining_ **F**_rom_ **H**_ell_

**Hanfura: En route **(The Homosexual Haunt)

_**Instinctual Awareness**__ – Success _

_**Learning to Distrust**__ – Success_

_**Awareness of Surroundings**__ – Success_

**Hanfura** (The poor-cum-rich town)

_**Observation**__ – Success_

_**Empathy**__ – Success _

_**Political awareness**__ – Success_

**Hiwa: Fishing Town **(Where I met Kaiza and Wanari)

_**Habituating to quirks**__ – Success _(So that's why he sat silently in front of the scroll!)

_**Restraint**__ – FAIL_

_**Motivation**__ – Success_

_**Trust**__ – Success_

**Mizuboro **(The 'Shinya' incident)

_**Crushing a Crush**__ – FAIL_

_**Instinctual Awareness**__ – FAIL_

**En route to Ofuku Gai **(when I tried to learn Sealing from others)

_**Information Extraction**__ – Success_

_**Damage Control**__ – Success_

**Sneaking Skills**_ – Success_

**Stealing others' Jutsu**_ – FAIL_

**Shinjudo **(My birthday disaster)

_**Hormonal Advance**__ – FAIL _(This was a training criteria?)

_**Stealing others' Jutsu**__ – UTTER FAIL! Why won't he show any eagerness to learn more than what he is taught?!_

I had assumed that Jiraiya-sensei had no set plan for what and how he would teach me during this trip, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Tears, unbidden, streaked down my face. Who knew Jiraiya-sensei was this considerate?

When he came back, I hugged him. I think he is now officially weirded out.

Namikaze Minato


	24. Chapter 24

Dear Diary,

These last few months have been hectic.

It's like Jiraiya-sensei has been trying his level best to cram everything he can into my head. Taijutsu stances, Ninjutsu hand seals, detecting and breaking multi-layered Genjutsu, tactical maneuvers and winning strategies, clan techniques and etiquette…

Surprisingly enough, Jiraiya-sensei knows nearly everything about etiquette, within or without clan ceremonies. Unsurprisingly, he chooses to ignore them and be a black mark against Konoha.

We've spent hours on end doing nothing but going through the hand seals over and over and _over_ again, trying to get me to do them reflexively. Even while we're travelling, walking, tree climbing, water-walking or even swimming (you wouldn't believe what type of terrains we go through), he expects me to keep up with the same pace and gradually increase the speed. Ox, Ram, Boar, Dragon, Tiger, Snake, Dog, Rat, Horse, Bird, Monkey, Rabbit…

There are 12 signs and various collaborations to make them work. It's getting easier to remember the hand seals for each jutsu now.

I am pleased to say that I can now successfully trounce Jiraiya-sensei at Shogi, but I am still getting hammered in our Taijutsu spars. I think Jiraiya-sensei is giving his all into making me surpass him to be quite honest. I don't know how to express my gratitude for all he has done for me. One day, I'll make him prouder than he has ever been, and I'll make sure that he'll always be a part of my life, even when I'm not his student anymore.

I don't have any illusions on that front.

I know that I am now at Jounin level when it comes to Ninjutsu and Kage level when it comes to seals. Modesty be damned. That has been beaten into me the hard way. If one is ignorant of their own capabilities and do not their own value, then they are as useless as they make themselves out to be. Underestimation is good in small doses, but it is a hindrance on missions, when the Taichou requires you to give an unbiased evaluation of your skills.

I am at upper level Chunin when it comes to Taijutsu (I cry tears of joy every single time I remember that I can last an hour in a spar against Jiraiya-sensei. As opposed to my previous 5 minutes.) and experienced Genin level on the Genjutsu front. Jiraiya-sensei says that is okay and that so long as I don't fall for any third grade illusions I should be fine. I can strategize well and can manipulate most elements. However, my chakra affinity is Wind so I am a hitter, not a defender (as I wish I could be…).

Jiraiya-sensei says we're going back to Konoha soon and I feel…empty inside when I think that these carefree (albeit mentally scarring) days are over and I won't spend 24/7 with Jiraiya-sensei anymore.

It's a depressing thought. Well, two days from now I'll be in Konoha. Wish me luck!

Namikaze Minato

P.S. I can't wait to see Uzumaki-san again! /^-^\\

**(A/N: And the Jiraiya training arc is over! FINALLY! Now back to the routine-ness of Konoha. KUSHINA-CHAN!)**


	25. Chapter 25

**(A/N: I'm sorry for the late update, but life interfered, that's why, I have posted an epically long chapter. Forgive me? *puppy-dog eyes, Kakashi style* Happy New Year!)**

Dear Diary,

It is so good to be back home again! The grass underneath my feet that give me blisters when I forget my shoes, the smell of pine leaves and an assortment of smells you really don't want to know about, the laughter of children (and the taunting, and the crying and, the bullying, and the screeching), the clang of pots and pans in the food district (and the acrid smoke of yet another burnt dish obscuring the perfect view of the sunset), the pleasant breeze that hits your exposed face (and makes you wish the world would just leave you alone with your blankey*) and the feeling that screams 'I'm home.'

We walked through the gates, well, I walked through the gates, Jiraiya-sensei strutted like the king of the world. Not that I'm not used to it, but I just put it there to remind myself that I haven't sunk to _that_ level of insanity yet. He was humming this off tune song with a 'falalalaalaaaaaa~' every two sentences. I would say it was annoying, but I felt like singing too, so I think I can forgive him.

The first thing we did (unlike any other sensible, good, obedient ninja) was go to the hot springs. For 'spying practice'. Right. Practice.

I stared at him for a while, exasperated, until he decided that 'Insistent Blonde Gakis are Useless!' and harrumphed and walked with me to the building next to the hospital. We went inside and asked for Nohara Izura, and she led the way to a room near the back. I gulped slowly, but went in anyway. Jiraiya-sensei gripped my shoulders and whispered for me to 'have a sentimental break down later!' and I was sure in that moment that he did care. After all, when else does Jiraiya-sensei whisper?

She was lying on the bed, her head propped up on a mountain of pillows and she was staring at the village from the small window. When the door opened, she turned slowly to face us, and then she smiled softly, the smile that screamed 'I miss you but I'm sorry I'm gonna leave now.' I started crying slowly, because she was gonna die, and nothing, no amount of training, could help me stop it.

Judging by the pile of Sannin on the floor, Jiraiya-sensei felt the same way. A nurse entered and looked at up sadly, and told us that she had been on life support for quite some time now, waiting for 'Team Jiraiya' to meet one last time. There was a picture of Shimu-kun on the bedside table, grinning at us like the world was full of people eating shit from his hands.

I must have said something, but I don't remember what, but it made Izura-chan smile. She didn't remember us completely, but she remembered enough to know that we were important to her. She breathed her last before we went to the Hokage tower. Her funeral is tomorrow. Not a huge funeral. Just the burning of her body, and the carving of her name by the Hokage on the memorial stone. Won't take a few minutes if it's a powerful Ninjutsu user. An Uchiha would do fine.

In the Hokage Tower, we composed ourselves before going into the Hokage Office. The place looked exactly as I remembered it. Although, now that I am, in fact, two heads taller than when I left, everything seemed so much clearer. Sandaime-sama looked expectant and Jiraiya-sensei's stance shifted slightly, making him look like a serious shinobi (I can hear my inner Uzumaki-san laughing madly) and gave him a detailed report of the next Iwa strike. In addition, the Kumo forces were planning on weathering down our forces (he said something about a Jinchuriki, but as far as I'm aware, there aren't any in Konoha) and the Kiri-Kusa border skirmishes were growing in number. The fear of a full scale invasion on Kusa was proving to be too realistic not to send forces there. Sandaime-sama shook his head morosely at this and said that they would dispatch 6 squads immediately. 'We can't have another Uzushio, now can we?' He also said that Gran-san (he was a spy!?) had reported that Suna wanted an alliance with us. Sandaime-sama smirked cruelly and said that he'd send 'the trio' soon enough.

I was confused, but Jiraiya-sensei grinned roguishly too. Poor 'the trio'…

Then, Sandaime-sama turned towards me, and scrutinized me for a good ten minutes before glancing at Jiraiya-sensei. He nodded minutely, and if you weren't looking for it, you wouldn't have noticed. He then got up with the grace of a seasoned Taijutsu user and strolled to the door. Jiraiya-sensei tried mimicking him. Key word: tried. He tripped over his hakama and crashed to the ground. Sandaime-sama and me chuckled softly. Jiraiya-sensei pouted and proceeded to strike the most vulgar pose in his arsenal and proclaimed loudly that 'It was my Awesomeness that wanted the Ground to have a feel of the Awe-inspiring Awesomeness that is…'.

That is about how much I heard before I walked behind Sandaime-sama to training ground 32. I was asked to fight the magically appearing ANBU (inner Uzumaki-san clapped in childish delight. Before telling me to crush them till they wept for their mommys. I mentally nodded at her. The world is ending.) telling me not to hold back. And kill them.

My stance shifted and I immediately proceeded to attack them relentlessly. They were like a multi-mask-headed Jiraiya-sensei. Impossible to beat. A few Futon jutsus later (countered by perfect Katon Jutsus, which makes me believe that we have an Uchiha in our midst) I was nearly out of chakra, and I was tired. I threw a kunai at them, and they didn't even have to dodge to avoid it. I heard Sandaime-sama tsk.

They saw a yellow flash.

I was the last one standing. Sandaime-sama blinked, indicating that he was shocked enough to show emotion, Jiraiya-sensei flashed a smirk of complete satisfaction and Tsunade-hime (who had magically appeared) was looking at me with a dazed look. I merely stood at attention. Sandaime-sama asked me how I did it. I pointed at the kunai I had thrown with 'horrible aim'.

It was three-pronged.

And I explained my technique. None of them understood, but Sandaime-sama decided that I was worthy of the ANBU. He handed me my mask (A toad. Wonder whose Idea that was?) and a Chunin vest. I had been officially promoted to Chunin. Whenever I felt ready to beat Jiraiya-sensei in an all out fight, I would be promoted to Jounin.

That would be a long time away.

I am ANBU now.

Inoichi, Shikaku and Chouza were 'the trio'. They had become famous for their flawless teamwork and perfect execution of strategies to destroy the enemy. Who knew?

Hatake-senpai left on a mission recently and Hiashi-san has already become clan head. I saw Mikoto-chan trying to kill an Uchiha elder (Inner Uzumaki-san was telling Mikoto-chan to 'poke him in the eye!'), so I assumed she was fine. Orochimaru-sama was staring at me with something akin to revulsion and respect when Jiraiya-sensei told him about my promotion to 'Chunin'. He even winked very conspicuously. So much for secret ANBU identities. Team Sarutobi are going on an extended mission to Amegakure.

Me and Jiraiya-sensei are going to have dinner at Yakiniku BBQ before he leaves and I begin my ANBU duties.

I have a feeling, that things will never be the same again after this.

Namikaze Minato

PS I haven't seen Uzumaki-san yet...

* * *

*Blankey is not a typo, it's intentional, to show that while he might have grown up considerably, he is still young at heart. A part of him is still a little boy that his mommy tucked into bed.

Nohara is the last name of Rin from Team Minato. It was intentional.


	26. Chapter 26

Dear Diary,

I, Namikaze Minato, swear upon Ichiraku Ramen, that I will never recommend ANBU to anyone. Ever.

It is hell. You kill children, kill their mothers, burn down their houses, annihilate their village and destroy everything they ever knew and raze it to the ground. Even the cows weren't spared that one time an Uchiha was involved.

We (my team, whose identities will not be disclosed for fear that this book may fall into the wrong hands) have done so much, in so little time, that I'm beginning to fear I will never be able to sit still again. I'm a nervous wreck and I'm supposed to be resting right now, but I can't because we might all day. That kid I spared might realize Konoha destroyed everything he cared about and might want revenge. The Hokage might find out that 'Kaeru' hasn't been carrying out his duties with sufficient killer intent. The Daimyo may find out KKonoha had something to do with the death of his son. THE COW MIGHT MOO AT US IN THE UNFORESEEABLE FUTURE!

I dreamt about it last time I was daydreaming, because sleep is out of the question. The cow stole my ramen and when I asked to get it back, it ran away with it and forced me to chase after it because it was the only bowl of ramen left in the world and we'd all die if I didn't eat that ramen and suddenly, Uzumaki-san decided she wanted the ramen and started chasing after the cow and then the cow turned around and glared at us with evil red eyes and moo-ed at us and trampled on Uzumaki-san's hair and she yelled at me and told me it was all my fault and I'm so sorry Uzumaki-san, I'll apologize to the cow and I promise I won't eat beef BBQ ever again and I'll be a good boy and—

I just got word that Uzumaki-san has disappeared and there are several signs of Kumogakure involvement.

I will kill them. The Hokage said my team has to replace the ones going after her on a border patrol be damned.

No one touches Uzumaki-san and gets away with it.

No one.

* * *

_**(A/N: I will not do the actual description of how he saves her because I feel it is redundant. Sorry for the long wait! This chapter is dedicated to Hektols, for being an awesome reader!)**_


	27. Chapter 27

Dear Diary,

Uzumaki-san has been avoiding me lately. I don't get it. I'm positive I didn't say anything offensive to her and I'm positive what I said wasn't sexist or arrogant or—

Do you think she thought I was being presumptuous for telling her that she could handle herself? Do you think she took offense at the fact that I told her when villages are involved it's my personal business? Did I sound too possessive?

Does she hate me now?

I hope not. I really love her. I don't want her to hate me.

Mikoto-chan threw herself on the ground sobbing with relief when I carried a chakra exhausted Uzumaki-san to the gates. She was so relieved that she kissed me. I am now having recurring nightmares about that one time in Hanfura when that Shinya girl…

MAKE THE THOUGHTS GO AWAY!

Maybe I should go talk to Uzumaki-san…No wait, I'll go to Tsume-senpai! She'll know exactly what I have to do.

Note to self: Never ask Tsume-senpai for relationship (platonic or otherwise) advice.

She told me that Uzumaki-san was a Tsundere and she was playing hard to get, so what I had to do was find some chains and tie her up with it on her bedpost and lick her in the clit and make her moan softly so that she'd beg me to continue. Then I should leave her like that to show her what it felt like.

There are so many things wrong with that that I can't even begin to enumerate. The least important problem is that I don't even know where she lives! And I had such a hard-on the whole way back just picturing Uzumaki-san moaning my name with her face flushed and—

NO. I am not Jiraiya-sensei. I am not a pervert. I am not a pervert. I am not a pervert. I am not a pervert. I am not a PERVERT.

I got rid of the hard on and now I feel disgusted with myself. My inner Uzumaki-san is snickering at me and singing 'Mina-chan and Kushi-chan sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G'

Bad Inner Uzumaki-san. Bad!

Namikaze Minato


	28. Chapter 28

Dear Diary,

I asked Shikaku for help. He says that the world is troublesome and wished me good luck. I think he's angry that Yoshino-san was in the hospital, or maybe he thought that was troublesome too. You never know with people like him.

Speaking of Shikaku, I asked him whether he wanted his amber necklace back. Inoichi guffawed and Chouza choked on his steak (dangerous indeed) when they overheard. Shikaku's face went slightly red and he looked embarrassed and told me never to mention the thing again.

I'll just pretend I have permission to keep it.

I went to the hot springs last week as a memento to the currently in Amegakure Jiraiya-sensei who is deprived and lonely, without any women to ogle. Except Tsunade-hime. Oh Kami-sama, I suppose I'll have to place some offerings at the shrine for his children-that-will-never-be.

I've had a lot of problems trying to figure out why Uzumaki-san has been avoiding me. My inner Uzumaki-san just sighs and says 'It's so obvious dattebane!' and I feel a bit retarded because I'm pretty sure I should know.

On another note, I had another mission. It was near the border of Suna and Hiwa. I tried looking for Kaiza very discretely, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I did meet this really loud guy named Tazuna though. He was screaming about being the best bridge builder in the elemental nations. I am sufficiently scared.

I hope no one I know ever comes in contact with him.

Sakumo-senpai saved my life when a Suna-nin threw sand in my eyes and I decided that since my reflex said get rid of sand, I shouldn't, causing me to fight blindly and I nearly hit Hiashi but he dodged using his magical Hyuuga powers and Sakumo-senpai stopped me from cutting him down.

Stupid ANBU mask is useless for protecting eyes!

Hiashi-san kissed me on the mission. Now I know what you're thinking. I thought so too. But he was asleep and it was his guarding shift after mine so I had to wake him up and he was dreaming of some girl called 'Hitomi-chan' and he kissed me. On the lips. But I've suffered worse.

I did cry though because I wanted my first kiss to be with Uzumaki-san, but you can't have everything.

When I told Sakumo-senpai why I was crying (he asked me), he started laughing at me and he looked very nice and I told him he should smile more. He told me I was exactly like his 2 year old son. I had nop idea he had one.

He told me maybe he'd introduce us someday.

Yay!

Namikaze Minato

* * *

_**(A/N: A reviewer asked me what a Tsundere was. Its a person who cares but doesn't show it. Sort of like Temari. In her own bitchy way, she cares about others. She's a good example of a Tsundere. If you still don't get it, just PM me, and I'll explain 'kay? Thank you for the reviews!)**_


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Diary,

I have completed 19 A rank missions and 10 S rank missions. I have done missions ranging from assassinating the Earth Daimyo's new born son to taking a cow census. (by the way, there are 113,409 cows in the whole of fire country. Just thought I'd let you know)

But nothing, I repeat, nothing has prepared me for_ this._

Jiraiya-sensei sent me a draft for his latest novel. I decided 'why not?' and was about to start reading it when Uzumaki-san came over. I opened the door and let me tell you, I was surprised and nearly had a hard on—I mean heart attack when I saw her standing there. Recall that she hasn't been talking to me and purposely avoiding me.

The first thing she did was punch me in the gut and told me in no uncertain terms that she 'didn't need protection dattebane!' and that she had 'killer moves just waiting to be unleashed!' and that I shouldn't get cocky and that she didn't owe me 'anything Namikaze!'

I was so happy she dropped by, I didn't even hear her for the first couple of seconds. Then she grabbed me by the arm and literally dragged me to this newly opened ramen stand that I'd been planning on visiting but never got around to. Just so you know, THE RAMEN TASTED AWESOME!

But anyway, Uzumaki-san told me that since she owed me 'for your **kindness** only!', she'd pay just this once. I would have told her that I'd pay, but then I realized that this was the closest she would get to thanking me and I didn't want to ruin it. But what I didn't notice was that I'd never put the draft down. That and I was wearing no pants. Just an embarrassing pair of boxers that no one would have noticed if Hiashi hadn't been passing by and asked me what the hell I meant by this.

If I had any illusions left of his gayness, they were all gone. Uzumaki-san of course, laughed her head off and I'd never heard anything more beautiful (I don't understand why Inoichi calls it a walrus' mating call though…).

I became red with embarrassment and Uzumaki-san took pity on me and we both decided to buy me a pair of pants. I've learnt something new. Uzumaki-san hates shopping. I expected it but now my suspicions have been confirmed. She grabbed the first pair of pants in the first store we went to and handed it to the 'money-taking guy' and 'run Minato RUN!' when she realized I didn't have enough money for it because my wallet was in my pant pocket which was at home. I wore the pants and I swear I'll pay the cashier back someday.

Throughout this whole fiasco, I still held that blasted piece of literature in my hand.

We went to her house because it was closer and it was a veritable mess! I kind of expected unorganized, but it looked like Iwa-nin had ransacked the place. I told her it might be likely that they had and she went red and told me to 'SHUT UP DATTEBANE!' and told me in no hard-to-understand words that if I so much as whispered about this place, she'd kill me.

An ANBU versus a Chunin. Do I believe her? Yes I do.

And then I put the draft down and waited for her to make me some tea. I would have said it's okay but she said 'My mom told me you should always offer tea to guests. I don't care if you don't like tea or even if you're allergic to it. I'm making tea and you'd better damn well drink it!'

I prefer coffee but I didn't tell her that. I thanked her for the amazing tea (really, she's really good at making it. I learnt another new thing!) and for the ramen and for helping me with the lack of pants( she started choking on her tea when I said this. Did I say something weird?) and I hoped we could do this again. Without the craziness.

She said of course. That's what friends do 'you idiot!'

I was on cloud nine. Still am of I think about it.

But then she saw the draft. And she started reading it. And she asked me whether I wrote this in a quiet, weird, _**deadly**_ voice. I said no, Jiraiya-sensei wrote it.

She said oh! And I was relieved to see she was relieved. She gave me the draft and told me to burn it. I promised her I would.

And I did. After reading the first page that began with 'The cover of nightful did nothing to hide her milky white limbs and the curve of her breast—'

I will kill Jiraiya-sensei. I really will.

Namikaze Minato


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Diary,

I am Namikaze Minato. I have done various deeds in my 16 years, but nothing, I repeat **nothing** is as difficult as _this_.

I have always followed orders from my superiors without question (except that one time Jiraiya-sensei asked me to strip and pole dance my way out of trouble. It probably would have worked, but I prefer knocking the enemy unconscious and bidding a hasty retreat), I am never late to any meeting or event (except that one time a couple of months ago when Uzuma-Kushina-san* dragged me to the ramen stand just before an assassination mission. She wouldn't let me go and I didn't want to go. But I was only 4 minutes late, so that doesn't count!) and I always get the job done (except that time with the cow. Never again.)

So why, oh why do I have to endure this? What is it that I have to endure you ask?

I have to…tail Jiraiya-sensei.

It's not the mental scarring that bugs me though that is a prime factor. What really bugs me is the reason. Sandaime-sama received a tip off that Jiraiya-sensei has been selling our information to our enemy via his Amegakure spy sector. It irritates me to no end that Jiraiya-sensei would even be considered a threat to Konoha! Mikoto-chan being a traitor would be more believable. Orochimaru of the Sannin would be a more believable traitor, and he's one of the most loyal shinobi we have!*

I've been tailing him for three days now and all I see as suspicious is that he acts a bit lost-in-thought during random intervals, but that isn't incriminating evidence. Eventually most shinobi get that look. Unless they're dead. Inner Kushina-san is saying that all they have is a I-am-stupid-and-dead look. Bad Inner Kushina-san.

It's weird thinking that Jiraiya-sensei is a traitor. It really goes to show you that no one is truly trustworthy. And no one truly trusts you. I thought Sarutobi-sama trusted his students. I guess I was wrong.

Jiraiya-sensei just sent a letter. Through Gran-san so I'm positive it has something to do with his spy network.

On a side note, Gran-san has a baby in his arms. It would be cute, even though its name is apparently 'Guy', if he didn't have these massive tar black eyebrows.

I have intercepted the letter and the thing I see inside it makes me want to kill somebody. Or cry tears of relief. I think I'll do both.

Inside the letter was a storage scroll which had a) Lacy purple thongs b) sunglasses and c) 'The guide to being a successful evil badass'(a bestselling novel in these war times. It helps shinobi understand their enemy. Have I read it? Yes I have. Why? Shikaku wrote it. Why the weird title? Inoichi and Chouza were beta readers).

Enclosed was a letter which read something along the lines of:

_How you doing brats? How are Konan's breasts coming along? Lush and peachy I hope for your sake Yahiko. Did you like the sunglasses Nagato? Granted I know you can't wear them there, what with it raining all the time, but they looked cool and I figured it would make you look badass. I hope you guys are training regularly and not taking shit from anyone. I also heard tell that you guys are forming some kind of cult to worship women. I mean strive for peace. I definitely meant that. Yup._

_Good luck. Remember, a wise shinobi once said to me, 'Love leads to hatred, because there wouldn't be war if we had nothing to protect.'_

_Jiraiya_

Of course, there was a whole solid paragraph of just how lush said Konan's breasts were and there were tons of expletives imbedded in the letter, but the general gist of it was sweet. So Jiraiya-sensei had students in Amegakure and he was keeping in contact with them. It's sad that people thought so badly of him for strengthening ties with the future leaders of the shinobi continents. But if you didn't trust Jiraiya-sensei with your life and if he wasn't your sensei, I suppose he does give off the vibe of 'untrustworthy shinobi'.

I'll give this letter to Sandaime-sama. Just as soon as I get rid of all the mud on this paper. Curse my clumsiness and non-shinobi-proofed roof tiles!

Namikaze Minato

* * *

**(A/N: Has anyone read the latest Naruto chapter? How epic is it!? Dedicated to all you lovely reviewers. You know who you are. And as for you (Yeah you!), review dattebane!)**

_*He's the most loyal shinobi we have! – _**Ooh** **the irony!**

*_Uzuma-Kushina-san_: **Their relationship has improved over the last year to such an extent that Minato is now consciously trying to call her Kushina. They are not dating for those who want to know. Minato is as slow as Naruto when it comes to women that love them. Poor Hinata…**

***The Quote was something Minato told Naruto (or the rough version of it anyway) and I figured I'd add it there. Jiraiya's letter reflects him. He's really perverted, but if you get past that, he is intelligent and an idealist. The beginning of the letter is a symbolism to show what people think of Jiraiya at first glance, but if you look a little closer, he is a Sannin of the highest caliber.**

Another thing, if you're wondering who gave the tip off, it was one of Orochimaru's lackies. He's trying to get rid of the competition for the title of Hokage already. That's the only reason the Sandaime even believes it. I like the third Hokage, so I'm not bashing anyone okay!

Kakashi will be introduced somewhere in the next two chapters.


	31. Chapter 31

Dear Diary,

It's been a long month. I went on this long term mission (3 weeks worth) and let me tell you, the mission (which involved infiltrating a high security Iwa outpost and destroy all of the sensitive information that a certain rat had leaked to them, and destroy all people with even the slightest idea about what the information was, meaning the whole outpost and the neighbouring settlement of Iwa ANBU. And Jounin think they have it tough.) was ten times easier to deal with than what I came home to.

Sakumo-senpai, a man I look up to and a shinobi I wish I could measure up to, committed Seppuku. He killed himself and gave up everything because Konoha's populace was too close-minded to realize how much he sacrificed in that mission. Although by no means do I condone what he did.

It was a pathetic thing to do. A pathetic waste of shinobi talent. I wouldn't have minded as much if he had had no responsibilities, but he had a 4 year old son to think about. The shinobi world is hard enough to live in without the people closest to you, the people you _**trust**_, offing themselves without a good enough reason.

And honour is not a good enough reason in my opinion. Shinobi are the epitome of dishonourable.

I don't think Kakashi-kun is going to like this somehow. And I haven't even met the poor guy.

On another note, even worse than the aforementioned bit is that Mikoto-chan, sweet lovable Mikoto-chan, princess of the Uchiha Clan, got married off to a statue.

Yes, a bloody statue. Made of grey flint. A cheap slate of cheapness and non-emotion. Or so Kushina-san tells me. When asked about his identity, she went into an indepth description of his disgustingly filthy 'TAR HAIR!' and beady little 'TAR EYES!' and annoying 'NASAL VOICE' and a penis the size of 'Inoichi's decency!'. And we all know how small that is.

Especially in light of recent events. Rumor has it that he knocked up a girl and now she's p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t with his c-h-i-l-d. Say either of those two words in front of Inoichi and he's liable to go homicidal on you. And an angry Inoichi is not something you want at 4 am after a week-long mission in Kumo where _everybody_ is **loud**. Trust me, I should know. (Inner Uzumaki-san has crawled under the metaphorical bed and is sucking her thumb, occasionally murmuring things like 'never again' and 'mommy!')

On the other hand, the worst bit of news today is that Kushina-san is now avoiding me. She isn't even subtle about it. Like this one time I was walking to the weapons shop and I saw her red hair (so pre~~tty!) and called out to her a little too loudly, because a lot of people turned around to see, and she looked at me, turned around and speed walked away. I think I died on the inside.

Namikaze Minato

PS On a happier note, a month more before my stint in ANBU is over! I am now coming up with a dance routine in my spare time. ^^

**( A/N: I know the update is a little later than usual but it was for a good cause I swear! I…had to…whack a mole! Yeah, that was it! Thanks to ****Hektols****, ****maxridelover****, and ****Riku Uzumaki**** for being awesome and reviewing every single chapter! I love you guys and this chapter, and all the chapters after this, are dedicated to you!)**


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Diary,

I am so glad I found you again! You see, I was cleaning up the house and then I lost you and I didn't know what to do because I was so sure I'd kept you in a safe place so that I wouldn't lose you while cleaning but I lost you anyway!

But I found you so that's all that matters. Now, why was I cleaning up my house? Because Kushina-san invited herself over and I needed to make sure everything was perfect. Nothing could possibly be out of place because if anything went wrong I would never forgive myself and I'd probably be so depressed I'd kill myself.

Yes, there is a time and place where Seppuku is acceptable – nay – a necessity, and that time is when Kushina-san finds your house messier than hers. It's hard to do, but I didn't want to take any chances. Anyway, everything went well or, as well as can be expected when it comes to Kushina-san.

Oh who am I kidding. I WAS TRAUMATIZED! And I'm only 17! I don't know about you but I'm pretty sure someone so young shouldn't have seen what I had seen. *(1)

After that, it was a week of trying to get over it and finally being released from my ANBU duties. Of course, they did erase some of my memories, but Inoichi said something that caught me off guard. Apparently, my memories had already been tampered with, causing me to forget something on one of my missions. Inoichi said that it wasn't a forced suppression and asked me whether I had ever erased my own memories. Everyone in ANBU learns a technique for memory erasing, and I was no exception. I told him it was a possibility, especially since if it was sensitive information, it was a necessity.

Still, I wonder what it was that I erased…*(2)

At any rate, I'm going to give the Jounin exams soon enough. It's not much of an organized event as much as a battle royale among the Chunin competitors. Kami-sama, please let me pass.

On a side note, I have finally named my teleportation technique. Surprisingly enough, it was Kushina-san's idea.

We'd all been sitting around (all meaning Shikaku, Inoichi, Chouza, Mikoto-chan, Kushina-san and me) and talking about the war and where it was heading (it was the first time in months that all of us had the free time to gather together since I was 10 years old and I was leaving on a training trip with Jiraiya-sensei. Oh Kami-sama it has been a long time! Inner Uzumaki-san is now pulling mocking faces at me and calling me a senile old loony.) when Kushina-san brought up my technique and asked me what it's name was I told her I had no clue.

That may sound nonchalant, but I distinctly recall a lot of stuttering in between. And The Awkward Silence. Then all of them started shooting names at me and told me to 'choose one already dattebane!'

Inoichi said I should name it 'The Flash Bomb'. For some reason, I don't think the name would help my image. Especially since he said the last word while ogling Tsunade-hime. Shikaku suggested ' Lightning Streak'. It does have a nice ring to it and after Chouza suggested 'The Puller', I was all for the idea, especially when Mikoto-chan said 'Enemy Magnet', but then Kushina-san said 'The Flying Thunder God Technique' and I was hooked. It was the perfect name, and everybody agreed. When asked where she thought of the name from, she, without any hint of shame, stated that that was what she thought I was when she saw me using the technique. A Flying Thunder God. The Hiraishin.

All in all, not a bad month. The downside? I just know something messed up is going to happen to me soon…

Namikaze Minato

* * *

_*(1): If you want to know what happened during the 'date' go to my profile and read 'The First Time'. It's a one-shot, so it won't take too long._

_*(2): You should get the reference if you've watched 'The Lost Tower'. It's a Naruto Shippuden movie and in the end, since Minato realized that Naruto was his son, he thought it best for the sake of the space-time continuum and his sanity to erase everyone's memories. Also, it happened when he was in ANBU and he looked about 17, so I think I haven't messed Masashi's story up. Yet._

_it's an adorable movie, and my favourite Naruto movie to date. (I haven't watched Road to Ninja yet, but I will when it's subbed)_


	33. Chapter 33

Dear Diary,

I know I have said this time and time again, but I shall say it again anyway: Jiraiya-sensei is _**hopeless**_! He made the new ANBU recruits run five circuits around Konoha because he was under the Hokage's protection and he was running away from CIVILIAN women because he can't keep his dick in his pants and think with his _brain_ for once!

Is swear he will be the death of me if he keeps this up. Sorry Diary, I'm a bit high strung. We just completed our Jounin exams (we meaning Shikaku, Inoichi, Chouza, Kazue-san and me) and it was very nerve-wracking, especially because only me, Shikaku and that Kazue guy passed. I know, surprising huh? I always thought that if any one of the Ino-Shika-Chou trio would pass, it would be Inoichi. He is clearly the most ambitious. The other two just couldn't give a damn. But I always pictured them all passing at the same time to be quite honest.

The Jounin exam was more trouble than it was worth. Like I said, it was a Battle Royale among the 'worthy' Chunin of Konoha and you'd expect the competition to be more difficult than they were but they weren't. Some elite shinobi they turned out to be…

There were 30 candidates in all, the largest number in Konoha history though I doubt it will go into the records considering how secret everything about the Jounin exams is. Each individual had to choose one field to specialize in during the whole battle. They would pass depending on who was left standing. Did that make sense to you? If not, let me explain. Each candidate would choose one of the six fields: Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, Fuinjutsu, Iryoninjutsu and Kenjutsu and battle using only that field. Like for example if you chose Genjutsu, you couldn't use hand-to-hand combat or healing jutsu at all (Iryoninjutsu).

Tough decision really as I couldn't choose between Fuinjutsu and Ninjutsu because they are both my specialties, but in the end, decided to go with Fuinjutsu. I was the only candidate to do so. Shikaku and Inoichi chose Ninjutsu and Chouza chose Taijutsu. Since they were working together (as if they would do anything else) it was a good choice. Surprisingly enough, Mikoto-chan took the exam too. Everyone thought that since she was an Uchiha she would choose Genjutsu, but she shocked nearly everyone (excluding me and Shikaku because I know her well and Shikaku is a genius bastard) when she chose Iryoninjutsu. I knew she wouldn't choose Genjutsu, but I would have thought she would have chosen Taijutsu or Ninjutsu or even Kenjutsu! As far as I'm aware, she doesn't harness magical healing powers at all. I should know, I was on the receiving end of colourful and disturbingly detailed descriptions of what fields Mikoto-chan was good in (why Kushina-san thinks I have a crush on Mikoto-chan is beyond me.) But of course, as per usual, Shikaku knew exactly why. 'She's defying her clan in front of the higher ups by using something the Uchiha look down upon. Smart girl.'

Shikaku had smirked when he said that. I finally realize what Yoshino-san sees in him. Did I mention they had started 'dating' each other? Yeah, they have. The quotation marks indicate that everyone but them knows it.

Kazue-san chose Kenjutsu. Everyone else, quite frankly, doesn't matter at this point.

Guess how we won. I used my Hiraishin and beat the crap out of everybody, Mikoto-chan used jabs of chakra to rupture many of their main arteries ( she got disqualified for that, hence why she didn't pass. You weren't allowed to harm your comrades, regardless of whether they were the enemy or not in that moment.), Shikaku, Inoichi and Chouza tripped their opponents and body slammed them. The ones that dodged Shikaku's shadow manipulation got caught in Inoichi's mind transfer technique (if you didn't guess, the shadow manipulation was the reason everyone was tripping) and Kazue did this really cool thing here he threw his katana directly at the other candidates' knee-caps, where they wouldn't be able to get up. It was like their legs were shish kebabs on skewers! Kazue-san did look rather scary though, his eyes filled with menace and face hardened.

We won like that. The reason Inoichi and Chouza failed was because they got caught from behind by Kazue-san (OUCH) and I would have been too had I not Hiraishin-ed away at that exact moment. Kazue-san couldn't defeat me, Shikaku couldn't bind me and I could have taken them both out, but that would mean attacking Kazue-san first since he was the unknown, but he would skewer me if he had the chance (his aim was really good. 10/10) and then Shikaku would take me out. Same if I attacked Shikaku first. Kazue-san couldn't attack Shikaku because he would be immobilized an I would defeat him. Shikaku wouldn't bind Kazue-san because if he did, he would lose his only scapegoat against me. We were at a stalemate. Too bad we weren't allowed to kill each other or I'm sure if not I , than at least one of the other two would have one.

At the end, Sandaime-sama came and congratulated us by increasing our workload. He said, and I'm paraphrasing,

"Well done you three. I'm impressed that you made it so far considering I had mixed a few ANBU in. Since you came this far, you deserve special awards." At this point Shikaku groaned and Kazue-san's face became even scarier.

"There are only two open spots available in my ranks I'm afraid, so we're going to have to do a bit of shuffling. Nara Shikaku, I've heard quite a bit about you among the ranks, and you'll be displeased to know that I have appointed you Jounin Hanchou." Shikaku's shoulders slumped and I thought he heaved a dry sob. I could have been mistaken though.

"Kazue The Weapon Master, for your brilliant use of agility and execution of timing, I appoint you ANBU commander, directly under my command. Since you have been in ANBU for well over three years now and have come out relatively unscathed, I think you know enough about ANBU to be of some use to me in that department."

And then he looked at me, and I realized he had already filled up the available positions for me. I wondered what he would appoint me as.

"Namikaze Minato, for your relatively less maiming tactics that could very well kill everyone in the vicinity if you so wished, I select you as one of the candidates for Yondaime Hokage."

I think I could have died happy at that time. I was on cloud nine and I was dazed. It was kinda like the feeling I got when I saved Kushina-san and realized she acknowledged me.

"However, you are only one of the two, the other being Orochimaru of the Sannin. Currently, in terms of popularity and power, you both are neck and neck, so this will be settled fairly. You are henceforth appointed Jounin-sensei of one student of your choice from the new Genin batch. Apprenticeship until I deem you ready for a full team. To make it fair, Orochimaru will also get an apprentice. I think he has already chosen a Genin by the name of Mitarashi Anko. She is one of the youngest students of the batch, so choose wisely."

I am doomed.

Hence why I want to kill Jiraiya-sensei. Yes, there is a connection between the two. It makes sense in my head.

Namikaze Minato

***Kazue is the name I gave Tenten's dad. I hope you don't mind but I already have a whole story for how none of them( Tenten, her dad and her mom) have a last name. I'll give a little more details on his character if I introduce him again. If you want to know his story, Review and tell me so that I can publish it.**

***Iryoninjutsu means healing techniques. If you've read Our Lives by yours truly, you'll know why Mikoto was being pressured by the Uchiha in the first place.**

**(A/N: My computer has crashed and I am soooooooo sorry for not publishing this early. It's extra long just for you guys. Thanks to all those who favourited and followed this story, but this chapter is dedicated to those people who reviewed. I love you guys the most!)**


	34. Chapter 34

Dear Diary,

I would say today was eventful, if not downright nerve-wracking.

I entered the Ninja Academy to select my apprentice and it brought back a lot of memories. It was a little startling to think that I hadn't set foot in it since I graduated nearly 10 years ago. I'm only 17 and yet I feel like a 50 year old washed-out war veteran.

Speaking of the war, it seems like, after the lull in the animosity a couple of weeks ago, Iwa has made an alliance with Kumo and Kiri. So mch for peace adn end of war. Forgive me if I think that Iwa-nin are a genuine pain in the ass. I hate swearing, but Iwa-nin deserve it. Not only do I hate them for what they did to my family, I hate how they're causing so much destruction in the war.

My family…I haven't thought about them in a long time. I remember that dad had the silliest laugh and he used to make mom so flustered all the time. My mom used to have such pretty long black hair…I remember braiding them for her once.

I made such a huge mess of it now that I think about it, but she still wore them like that for the rest of the day. I remember aunt and uncle saying they had never seen anything quite as fashionable.

I was so proud of myself. Chiharu-chan used to cry when I had to go to the academy. She was 3—no 4—years old when I started. Aoi-kun was so brave. He used to try and help me with my Taijutsu even though he couldn't punch a pillow to save his life.

I miss them.

So when I saw that boy, Hatake Kakashi, sitting there, looking aloof and distinguished, instead of seeing a hurt boy of 5 years who had recently lost his father, I saw a young shinobi who was even more broken than I was.

I respect him.

When I took him to the park instead of a training ground to introduce myself, he looked at me with a spark of contempt in his eyes. He asked me, in such a hair-pulling polite way, what we were doing here Namikaze-sensei, I told him that we were going to introduce ourselves here.

He then looked pointedly at the noisy children and laughing adults that were **very **distracting, but chose not to question my choice of venue, and gave me a chilling description of himself. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was Hiashi-san in Sakumo-senpai's body. The reason i was doing it was to see whether he could b e focussed even when the surroundings were distracting. He seemed a bit uncomfortable and awkward, but he _was _focussed so I think it should work out fine.

I hope.

"_I am known as Hatake Kakashi. My choice of occupation is shinobi, and my aim is to reach the highest rank my skills will allow me to reach. I shall follow protocol and respect you as a superior until I surpass you."_

He was scary. But I snapped out of it because he wasn't nearly as scary as Inner Uzumaki-san who was glaring at Kakashi menacingly and was cracking her knuckles while muttering evilly 'we'll see who'll surpass whom without any knee caps dattebane!'

I asked him about his hobbies and likes and dislikes and he said that there was no requirement for him to tell me. I remember pouting at this point.

When Jiraiya-sensei had asked Shimu-kun, Izura-chan and me to introduce ourselves, Shimu-kun had spent nearly five minutes going on and on about the things he disliked and then he ended with saying that the only thing he remotely thought as deserving the moniker of like for him was supple breasts. At the time it didn't make any sense to me (Ah, the good old days when I was innocent and un-Jiraiyaified.)

Izura-chan had bonked him on the head and stuttered about liking flowers and disliking hentais. I loved how her eyes sparkled when she said she wanted to be a 'Kunoichi Worth Remembering'. I remember giving a very long description of how everything remotely ramen was worthy of Kami-sama's favour and said that I wanted to be Hokage. There was a slight breeze at the time. It probably made me look cool.

When they asked me whether I disliked anything, I said I disliked racism. Because so many people bullied and ostracized Kushina-san when she was unable to kick them hard enough that their grandchildren would feel it.

I left Kakashi with the vague hope that he would become slightly more normal tomorrow. I wonder what I had that he doesn't…

I met Mikoto-chan on the way home. She'd come back from a simple C-rank mission because she needed to work off some steam after failing the Jounin exam (why she thought crippling candidates to the point where they lost their career as shinobi was necessary when the Hokage had clearly said that the only rule we had to follow was: 'Do not cause permanent damage to the shinobi in this arena. Above all else, they are your comrades.' is beyond me. Must be an Uchiha thing to not follow rules…) and I asked her how Kushina-san was.

She said that 'your darling Kushina-san is on a date.'

I think I saw red for a while. I might have bent my kunai too. Why I was holding it, only Kami-sama knows. Mikoto-chan looked slightly frightened so she said hastily that it was with Yoshino. At first I thought "OMG KUSHINA-SAN IS A LESBIAN!" but then I thought, 'oh wait, Mikoto-chan is joking.'

I can now breathe easily. But this also opened my eyes to the fact that if she wasn't mine, she would be somebody else's. I need to get used to the idea because she is too pretty to be single forever.

But I'll kill each and every prick who steps within a ten meter radius of her in my presence. Just thought I'd put it out there.

Namikaze Minato

**A/N: Pretty long chapter! But not as long as the last one. ****The Masked Idiot**** requested I post a one-shot about Kazue, and I would just like to say: I will most definitely do it. But you might have to wait quite a bit before I do. I'll write it over here if I do publish it though. **

**IMPORTANT: I need two female character names because, while I have their characters ready, I can't think of any good names for them.**

**The two characters are Inoichi's girlfriend (Ino's mom and a bit of an oddball) and Kazue's best friend aka love interest. The latter needs to be a noble name though. Review and tell me what you suggest. Even if I've already chosen names for characters, I would be grateful if you continue sending me names as I can use them for some other characters.**

**THANK YOU! ^_^ **


	35. Chapter 35

Dear Diary,

I am dying.

No I really am. I'm not being overly dramatic like Kushina-san says I'm being. How would she know when she's never gotten sick before in her life anyway?

Whoever decided to call it a 'common' cold was an idiot. There is nothing common about the feeling that your body is failing you and your stomach is collapsing on itself and your brain is about to explode.

I suppose this is stress relief to a degree. The nurses say I've been over working myself, which I think is a bit hypocritical of them because they don't seem to have had even bit of sleep if the bags under their eyes are any indication.

I've been working just fine thank you very much. And I have to overexert myself because I am not letting Kakashi die. Call me over-protective or over-bearing, but I'll be damned if I let Kakashi get hurt.

He's finally opened up to me too. I think I've been wearing down his defenses for quite a while properly so that he can get to trust me little by little.

I told Kushina-san this and she scoffed and told me it's actually because he has a bitch complex and I turned him into my bitch after I 'killed a platoon of Iwa-nin in a literal flash dattebane.' Inner Uzumaki-san agrees.

My subconscious hates me.

On the plus side, there was supposed to be a reunion of sorts today and Inoichi wanted me to come because I am a 'chick magnet'. Years ago, I would have asked why he would want pet chicks, but now I know better. (Jiraiya-sensei was horrified when I asked him that question and proceeded to give me The Talk of a lifetime. Aaaaaaaaahh! Mental images!)

I guess in a way, I'm glad I'm sick so I don't have to go. But with all this free time, I'm thinking of the war a lot more. It's easy to forget the big picture when you're so busy killing enemy-nins, but the fact of the matter is that if something drastic doesn't happen, Konoha could veritably lose the war. I don't want Konoha to lose the war. We've come so far and we've lost so many people, and all that pin and bloodshed for what?

War in and of itself is pointless either way, and if Iwa or Kumo win, there will be a bloodbath and all the survivors in the enemy villages will be executed and/or burnt to death. That's what happened during the Kusa invasion a couple of decades ago. Thank Kami-sama I wasn't there to see it.

I want Konoha to win and I know for a fact that suna would prefer us winning over any of the other villages; Konoha's known for being soft.

After Suna lost their Kazekage (He disappeared off of the face of the earth and no one knows where, but I believe he was kidnapped and killed. I shudder to think of who might be strong enough to have done that.) they've been pathetically lost and are disorganized, searching desperately for him. Lots of them think it was Iwa, so they're unwittingly helping Konoha.

War is such a pain. The endless cycle of love and hate is painful to watch and is so…troublesome.

Speaking of troublesome, Shikaku has finally admitted to himself that he's in love with Yoshino-san. Downside is that he's going to do nothing about it.

Idiot. He has a chance to marry the girl of his dreams and he's too lazy to do it. It's obvious to everyone but him that she's in love with him too.

When I told Mikoto-chan this, she looked at me with frustration and called me a 'bloody oblivious fool!'*

I don't get it but I'll let it go because my head hurts too much to think about it.

Now that we're on the topic of Mikoto-chan, she's gotten married to Fugaku by special license and is now off active duty. It's bloody medieval, making her sit at home like a good housewife. She's one of the best Shinobi we have and every little bit in the war counts.

I wouldn't hold Kushina-san back if I were her husband because, while it might be difficult and _hard_ to let her go out and risk getting killed, she's not my property and she's a Kunoichi on top of that. She also has her shinobi pride and she deserves as much of a right to fight her own battles as I do.

Besides, I think she would kill me if I tried to hold her back.

Speaking of Kushina-san, she's being overly exuberant with me, indicating that she's nervous around me. I don't know why, but I think this has nothing to do with me and more to do with the secret she's been keeping from me and hasn't told anyone about.

I may be a 'bloody oblivious fool', but I'm still a shinobi, and I know when she tenses around me every time we talk about foxes and Kumo-nin and their weird habits (they actually force their shinobi to die in order to gain more power by sealing monsters inside them. Absolutely disgusting.)

Oh Kami-sama, the pain is unbearable!

I think I'm gonna...

* * *

**{A/N: I am so sorry I haven't update in around a month, but I had a good reason. I fell sick. This chapter was kinda inspired by the fact that I started dreaming about Minato saying that common colds shouldn't be called that.**

**Just so I know, I didn't have a common cold.**

**So, to all the people who sent me reviews and names for characters, THANK YOU SO MUCH!^^**

**And as for those who wanted a Kazue side story, it's up on my profile. It's called '**_**Situational Irony**_**'. **

**The name I used for Kazue's love interest was given by Abdullahsaurus. Sorry, but I loved his name best. I still haven't decided about Inoichi's girlfriend though, so please continue giving names!}**


	36. Chapter 36

_Ola, I'm ba~~ck!_

* * *

**Situational Irony**

**A sidestory for the Masked Idiot**

**You guys remember Kazue right? This is his story.**

* * *

A beautiful lady of little renown sat praying in front of the altar before her. Her long blonde hair plaited straight down her back and her pale skin reflected the sunlight slanting through the glazed windows. A look of all sweet accord graced her face and, for the first time in his twenty-year-long life, Kazue believed in God.

Of course, he immediately forgot all human emotions as the lady gracefully stood up and took her leave. Trainee ANBU always received the dumber missions; taking charge of the academy obstacle course exam, guarding the library (the Hokage's personal library, where all the important scrolls and relics were amassed) and, in this instance, escort the Fire Daimyo's 16th wife's 4th daughter.

He dutifully tailed her, making sure his cover remained a cover. (unlike the last two idiots, who decided Jounin were lesser beings and gave away their position, causing a breach in security that could have reached the ears of the Tsuchikage who might decide to act believing that Konoha was getting lax. War: it made an ANBU suffer sleepless nights and caffeinated days.) The woman, who the mission scroll stated was Orika-hime or some such, was heading towards her 'quarters' i.e. the high security civilian sector. Most days got ANBU codename Panda bored, but tailing a boring woman made it that much more boring, princess or not.

She proceeded to undress and Panda observed with clinical awareness. It had happened, more often than not, that clients were attacked in compromising positions, and ANBU were trusted to guard without perverse thoughts clouding their efficiency. Though Panda supposed that she was rather a sight to behold, with luscious curves and creamy skin, but he was in his professional mode, so those thoughts would have to wait.

A tap on the window alerted him to the arrival of his relief team. He and his partner, codename Turtle, nodded and returned to base as they were replaced by Boar and Snake for 4 hours exactly.

Boar and Snake were the relief team, so they relieved all the ANBU squads in Konoha for 4 hour intervals because, as much as Panda wished they could be so, they weren't machines and required rest. He and Turtle headed towards their lockers and changed out of their gear. As he slipped off his mask, he wasn't Panda anymore, but Kazue: Weapon Master of Konoha(self-proclaimed, but it would happen eventually) and was the slightly insane, hyperactive idiot of the ANBU. He began making fun of Turtle, now Maito Gran, about how his face was still flushed after seeing a 'youthful blossom' in the nude. A couple of other ANBU joined in the fun and they went to the mess hall, small as it was.

Their cook was about to retire and the Hokage would need to find a replacement. The Ichiraku family, while civilians through and through, had served the ANBU for years, but alas, the next in line—a boy named Teuchi if Kazue remembered rightly—had decided to open shop in Konoha's shinobi sector. Of course, this was all top secret, so no one was likely to find out, and Teuchi's memories of ANBU would be erased before he left.

Kazue was a man of little note. He had soft brown hair and wicked chocolate-coloured eyes. He had a slightly morbid sense of humour and he never missed his mark. Ten out of Ten times he hit a bulls-eye, and it took him years to tune his reflexes to such an extent that he could sense danger coming from a mile away. He was a part of Konoha's elite forces so he must be a good shinobi, and he would take the Jounin exams in a month's time. Hopefully, he'd be able to return to active duty soon enough, and protect his village with everything he had.

Till then though, he needed to finish eating fast and excuse himself, because he had a certain beautiful blonde, quirky woman to get out of his head. And the only way to do that was to take a cold shower before he was back to guarding her nearly 24/7 again.

* * *

The strangest thing about life is that we suffer from these dreadful happening called epiphanies when we least expect them to happen. So when ANBU captain Monkey informed him in code language that he was not required to escort the Daimyo's daughter anymore, he realized that he couldn't do it.

Watching her go about her mundane life had left him with a strange affection for her, an affection one might liken to a master and an annoying puppy that chased its tail all day long. So he slightly broke protocol and asked him why he was being replaced.

Captain Monkey humoured him and said that, no, he wasn't being replaced because the Daimyo had withdrawn his money in favour of some other frivolous event and told him that he was being promoted.

When his captain left him, he felt slightly—nay, completely—hollow. When the Daimyo withdraws his money for escorting any member of society and gives it to the Hokage for something else, it's usually to assassinate them.

He took off his mask—both metaphorical and physical—and made up his mind.

* * *

After taking the Jounin exam and being elected ANBU commander, Kazue had a lot less free time (which was eyebrow-raising, seeing as his net free time accounted for 23 hours a fortnight) in which to devote his little side project, namely, protect Orika-hime. So it's no surprise that the first time he made his presence known to her was at 9 o'clock in the night, when he knew she took a shower.

Of course, it was completely coincidental.

The water poured down her creamy skin and clung to her, shimmering like diamonds in the sun. Her eyes were closed when he unceremoniously opened her bathroom and slid on soap suds. Reflexes caused him to grab the rim of the tub and he slammed into her wet body, causing them both to crash into the porcelain tub.

He groaned and the first thing he noticed was her doe-shaped eyes and wet eyelashes, before realizing their position; her splayed over him, completely naked. He laughed sheepishly and tried his best to suppress his growing urge to kiss her senseless, and thankfully, she didn't try to throttle him and got up, grabbed the towel on the rail and wrapped her body in it, and walked to her bedroom calmly, shutting the door and reemerging, completely dressed in a very complicated multi-layered kimono.

In the mean time, Kazue tried to get his bearings, shut the water taps and performed a standard katon jutsu to dry himself off.

When both of them were sufficiently composed, they met in her living room and silently appraised each other. Kazue was fast learning that she wasn't going to break the silence.

"Yo, I'm Kazue and I'm your new best friend!"

"…"

* * *

"As your new best friend, I will now tell you your greatest flaw!" Kazue exclaimed, perched on one of Konoha's fences as Orika-hime continued placing ripe tomatoes in her handbasket.

"And I suppose you expect me to care?" Orika-hime dryly commented. Kazue nodded enthusiastically and started telling her how they were totally meant for each other because she understood him so perfectly.

"I understand that you are a self-centered prick who doesn't understand when to shut up and leave the poor peasant girl alone."

"Your greatest flaw is your horrible fashion sense. You have such a hot body, but let's face it, wrapping yourself in nine layers of itchy clothing is not doing you any favours. You need to let your curves free and in view of the males of the world! Otherwise you'll never get a boyfriend and I'll be forced to marry you!" Kazue proclaimed ominously, though in truth, he wouldn't mind marrying her.

But of course, as in all clichéd romances, he needed to first deny his feelings and pretend he wasn't good enough for her. He could play that game; his ego wasn't that far gone that he couldn't play the whipped duckling.

"I have lived all my life wearing this and I shall continue to do so. Your comments mean nothing."

But he could see the worried glance she sent her attire and he knew he had her in the palm of his hand.

"You know Hime, all you have to do is coming shopping with me after my mission, and I'd be honoured to find you something hot to wear!"

"I'd rather you stopped pretending you have a fashion sense at all Kazue-san, or I'll be forced to pelt you with these delectable cauliflowers.", she snapped.

But Kazue had the lay on her. She loved using formal language (seriously, who calls cauliflowers delectable? They're icky!) and loathed wasting anything. And she was delightful.

When she wasn't being snappy (very rare indeed), she was clumsy and oblivious. She cared for his opinion more than she herself knew, because, he surmised, he was the first person in the whole village that had spoken and befriended her. No, the first person in her life that had wanted anything to do with her. She wasn't good with social interactions and was slow to catch on when situations were considered inappropriate i.e. any situation which involved the two of them.

She was naïve, but she was so very trusting, even when she tried not to be, that Kazue couldn't help but want to protect her till the end of his days.

But alas, he had to depart to Kumogakure no Sato and collect valuable information about them, information that could veritably cause the defeat of Konoha if it wasn't intercepted. And so, leaving behind his paperwork for the ANBU grunt, he and Turtle along with Jackal and Tiger, would infiltrate the enemy's base.

The chances of survival were lower than 6%, and though he hoped for the best, war was not something you were optimistic about. He was renowned for his prowess with any weapon (he was finally acknowledged as weapon master after he utterly defeated one of the seven swordsmen of the mist. The fact that he was in intensive care for a month after was completely irrelevant) and his amazing ability to compartmentalize his emotions and appear completely happy when he was dying on the inside.

As he left Orika-hime and went to arrange his affairs before his departure, he might have let his guard slip a bit because just as he left, she clung to his arm and kissed him chastely.

"Come home safely." She whispered in his ear.

The dazed look on his face didn't leave him until he reached the outskirts of Konoha. He snapped to attention then, prepared to complete the mission or kill trying.

Because his Hime had asked him to come home, dying was not an option.

* * *

In the middle of the night, when the lights played catch with the shadows on the ceiling, Kazue snuck into Orika-hime's room. She gave a startled gasp and, upon identifying the perpetrator, hugged him fiercely.

Kazue, not expecting this welcome back, tensed up and whispered softly, seeing as she was beyond worried for his safety even when she didn't show it, "I'm home."

"Welcome home."

She didn't stop clinging onto him though, and so, because he had something delicate in his hands and because his ribs had been cracked on the mission, among other things, he asked her to please let go of him.

She loosened her hold a bit but didn't let go. Kazue wiggled a bit and got comfortable, because he had a feeling she wasn't going to let go any time soon. Understandable, considering the mission was supposed to take a month but he had been gone for two, with no one at Konoha knowing whether his platoon had died on said mission.

"I have a present for you, and tomorrow, we're going shopping."

She gazed at him pointedly and told him "I preferred you when you were mute."

He chuckled slightly and propped up his free arm, which had an oblong parcel in it, to her so that she could open it.

She did so, and saw beautiful pale blue flowers, slightly wilted, in the box. She gazed at them solemnly for a while and remarked at their splendor in her characteristic complicated way.

He grinned, satisfied.

"They're called Sotentenra, and are only found on the crags of Mount Jogi." He stated proudly.

"Isn't Mount Jogi the location of Kumogakure's most heavily guarded prison?" she asked testily.

Well shit. Maybe it had been too much to hope for that she didn't have any idea why he'd been delayed for quite that long.

* * *

Shopping was a great ordeal, and took up most of his free time making sure that he was free on that particular Friday when the sale prices were at their lowest and that she would most definitely accompany him.

"I'm not going."

"But you promised!"

"No, you simply assumed I would comply with your whims. Foolish of you, but such is the way with egotistical men."

"Orika-hime!" he whined loudly and for a long time until she finally gave in.

Success.

They wandered around the shops and when he saw something wonderful, she shot him down, and when she found something 'acceptable', he hastily hurried her off to another shop. (her sense of fashion was that of a middle-aged Danzo.)

Their search seemed futile and, when he reluctantly agreed to leave and call it quits, he saw the perfect attire for his formal princess. He hastily dragged her to a non-descriptive shop which had orange jumpsuits on display (as if any shinobi with half a brain would wear _that_) courtesy of the madman who ran the shop, who is quoted to have said "The Greatest Shinobi of this world shall wear those clothes and live to prove all the naysayers wrong!"*.

He had caught a glimpse of a light pink brocaded cloth and he intended to investigate. He led her there (more like steered. She wasn't too sure about the shop after having a blasphemous fortune screamed at her face as they entered.) and proclaimed for all to hear,

"THOU SHALT WEAR THIS, OH ORIKA, HIME OF MY LIFE, AND THOU SHALT BEQUEATH IT UNTO OUR CHILD!"

"Absolutely not."

This was embarrassing to Orika-hime on multiple levels. Firstly, they hadn't even spoken about being in a relationship—platonic or otherwise—so she had no idea as to whether he intended to do anything about her kiss. And secondly,

"I never agreed to bear your children Kazue."

He deflated instantaneously. But years later, the very same innocent bystanders who witnessed this scene would see a brunette weapon mistress walk into this very shop and buy the very same pink and golden Chinese outfit, exclaiming that her children would definitely be 'bequeathed these clothes'.

Of course, it was completely coincidental.

* * *

"Kazue?"

"Yes, o Hime of my life?"

"Why are you not in possession of a last name?"

"Why aren't you?"

"My father did not bequeath me with one. If the Daimyo does not see it fit for his menagerie of children to possess a surname, we shall not receive one."

"Oh. Well, my reasoning is that, although I could have a last name if I want to—I can actually think of a few good ones of the top of my head—I'm an orphan and no one knew my parents. It doesn't sit well with me to take any old last name because it's not even necessary. I prefer being an individual, and a last name just makes me feel like I have to live up to it even though there's no one to watch me fall."

"In short, you just can't be bothered."

"I love how you can tell exactly what I mean when I give one of my epic monologues!"

* * *

As the happy couple walked in the streets, chatting amicably ("Kazue, shut up." "And then, the lady said—") a very sinister occurrence was afoot.

An arrow was let loose, aiming for the Daimyo's disgraced daughter's heart.

"But Orika-hime—" Kazue began, after which he grabbed the arrow and threw it right back where it came from, causing Orika-hime's eyes to widen in fear and awe,

"—the old lady really did say that the Hokage was a woodpecker!"

A volley of weapons was sent their way and Kazue grabbed Orika-hime, kissed her firmly (her eyes, of course, were wide open and he was kissing her as if they were in a comfortable room with a candle-lit dinner in front of them.) and literally danced with her as he dodged the kunai.

He was ANBU, they were elite. Kazue believes he has made this very clear.

He let go of her and she immediately asked him what on earth was going on. He opened his mouth to answer, but she suddenly pushed him and caught a shuriken aimed for his head deftly as it was in mid-flight and flung it back at the perpetrator. Said perpetrator was beyond shocked that she even did that, as was Kazue on the ground, and so he never stopped the missile from hitting him.

Kazue then immediately bundled her up and _ran_.

As he laid her on the top of the Niidaime Hokage's head, she began firing questions at him a mile a minute.

"Who was that? Why were we attacked? Why did you retreat? ARE YOU A COWARD? Did I just kill that man? How—"

He kissed her for various reasons, mainly to shut her up though.

"The Hokage sent the ANBU to assassinate you by orders of the Daimyo because you are useless to him and he no longer feels like providing for you. I retreated because I'd rather continue staying loyal to my village and not attacking a fellow shinobi, even though I've been stripped of my status as ANBU Commander because I refused to comply with the demands. No, you didn't kill him and don't look at me like that! I would rather die than attack you!" he said the last sentence with force and determination set in his eyes.

"Why did you do all of that for me? You love being a shinobi. You told me you'd kill your best friend if it meant you could continue protecting your home…"she looked at him uncertainly and with a quiet plea.

As the wind caressed her face and made their hair sway in a melodramatic way, he spoke in the most simple way imaginable, "You living in the village makes it my home. So, without you, it wouldn't be my home anymore."

She was in love and she didn't need a confession out of him to know that he'd always be by her side.

* * *

"I have a way out of this fix you know."

"Really? Pray tell. I'm all ears."

"If you marry me, you'd be dependent on me and would be an official Konoha citizen, so you'd be under the Sandaime's jurisdiction instead of the Daimyo."

"Did you just ask me to marry you?"

"Yep." He smiled goofily.

"Why?"

"'Cause our baby will be cute. My hair and eyes and your face and quirks. We'll call her Tenten!"

"Absolutely not."

She was blushing as she said this, and, on October the tenth, when the Kyuubi destroyed his home, he need only think of that face and his teething-on-kunai daughter (named after Sotentenra, the flower he brought all the way from Mount Jogi) and Kazue was ready to die.

Because he loved his beautiful, quirky women.

* * *

_***This prophecy did in fact come true, because Naruto wore those very orange jumpsuits. However, the reason he wore these clothes in the first place was because the madman said that only The Greatest Shinobi would wear it and, let's face it, Naruto wanted to be just that.**_

**{A/N: I hope I did Tenten's parents justice, because I don't think they were even mentioned in Canon. If they were, review and tell me 'kay? So I can correct this story to the best of my ability.**

**This is dedicated to ****The Masked Idiot****, who wanted a one-shot about Kazue's life. I'll post a diary entry soon enough everybody}**


	37. Chapter 37

Dear Diary,

I am now finally well. It took three painful, agonizing days, but now, the world is right once more.

I've come to appreciate the privileges of life. I am now a new man. I will never take anything for granted. No, honestly! I'll always come home on time (even if there is no one waiting for me), I will always savour and eat cold foods and will have one ice stick everyday (even though I'll have no one to share it with) and I'll occasionally iron my clothes (because I don't have anyone else to do it for me. And there was a shortage of clothing when I vomited all over my shirt.)...

Wow, now I feel lonely and sad. And pathetic. I...really don't have anyone waiting for me at home. Is this what they call having a midlife crisis?

No! Shake off all the negative feelings Minato! Let's think about all the wonderful things in life!

Kushina-san took care of me all day and night. Even though she killed all my goldfish, put a hole through my cupboard, blunted all my kunai, destroyed my kitchen and front door, smashed the glass window(s) and emptied my fridge, she did take care of me.

She also cooked for me. I think I'm in love. No, I_** know**_ I'm in love. Let's just add that to the growing list of reasons why Tsume-senpai doesn't understand why I haven't told her yet.

I can't cook squat. Her cooking is fit for the Daimyo. My mouth waters just thinking about her...I mean her food. I definitely meant her food. Yeah.

Also, I can now go on up to C-rank missions without supervision! You'd think this was nothing to be happy about, but ever since I got Kakashi-kun tagging along last December, I haven't gone on a single C-rank mission. I feel like a new man now. Did I already mention that?

Also, my training has begun! For Hokage, obviously, and it's a lot less glorious and a lot more monotonous than I realized at first, but it's probably because Sarutobi-sama has been shoving all of his pointless paperwork to me because he can. I'd probably do the same if I were him.

Actually no, I wouldn't because that would be cruel and wrong and would probably turn anyone away from the Hokage seat in a flash.

Inner Uzumaki-san just said 'Ooh! Burn...' and I don't know what it means. Oh Inari-sama! She's developed a mind of her own! I might have multiple personality disorder now, I might have to be pulled out of the active ninja roster and be forced to go into T&I division, I might have to be put in confinement and then be forced to escape for my rapidly deteriorating sanity and then go on those horrible killing sprees just like mom feared I would!

Or, you know, I'm just being paranoid. Yeah, that's probably it.

So yes, things to be happy about:

Kakashi accidentally called me Minato-sensei instead of his usual "Namikaze-sama".

Kushina-san isn't dating anyone (especially not Yoshino-san)

Mikoto-chan is pregnant and is going to have a baby soon and apparently 'Fugu-face's face finally cracked a half-smile, but it was probably 'cause I tripped over in the background...' as Kushina-san so eloquently put it.

Yoshino-san is making Shikaku actually move.

The "Namikaze Minato Fan Club ™" has been cut in half after I got sick because they realized I am not invincible. It might have been because of something Kushina-san did at my place because I recall her mumbling something about "Those creatues are **not** civilians!"while muttering death threats under her breath. Since there are only two types of civilians in Konoha, it was most definitely them. (Two types of civilians: 'Fangirls' and 'Other assorted riff-raff'-Pg 495 of 'Konohagakure no Sato: Social Divisions' by Nara Shikaku. It's a bestseller all over the continent because it's a five book long series for all the hidden villages and helps spies tremendously. Shikaku writes some really good books.)

I am not a father and no one has blamed me for being their father's child like what is being done to Inoichi by that girl he accidentally, ahem—compromised. Himawara Yoora i think her name was.

I am alive.

My friends are physically healthy. (mentally is a whole other story. Inoichi is Exhibit A)

No one I know has died.

The war is nearly over (again. It might not be, but no one died because they hoped right?)

Things to be sad about:

Kushina-san isn't mine.

Somehow, that one negative point makes all the others seem insignificant.

Namikaze Minato

**(A/N: Okay, I know two months is a long time, and this is not the longest chapter I have ever written, but I have had my Science GCSE, and let me tell you, moving from CBSE (Indian syllabus) to GCSE (British curriculum) is no mean feat. Just imagine, I had no idea what GCSE **_**was**_** until a month before I actually wrote them!**

**So again, beyond sorry, but I have a valid-ish excuse. Thanks for waiting and, since I've gotten over that ordeal, I'll probably be updating more frequently. **

**Oh, and the winning name for Inoichi's girlfriend was** **Yoora from twinSlayer and Himawari from HikaruWinter.**

**Thanks to everybody else who gave me a name. They were all amazing!)**


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